Because He Lives

God sent His son, they called Him Jesus
He came to love, heal, and forgive.
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.

How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives.
But greater still the calm assurance,
This child can face uncertain days because He lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.

And then one day I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain.
And then as death gives way to victory,
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone!
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives!

Words: Bill & Gloria Gaither

The New Normal

If I could wish upon tomorrow

Tonight will never end

Two nights in a row of feeling so blessed with great friends around me. Thank God for happy days like these, even in the midst of the most heartbreaking ones. Haha satisfied my Beard Papa cravings and now I think I'm hooked onto Tako balls. This gotta stop hahahaha. Good thing Yf camp's starting soon, I guess :)

I've never felt so busy in December, but this is all good. All things for God is and will be good, yepp! Random thought: I kinda miss carolling heehee.

Hey Purple Dinosaur you officially turned 18 two days ago, and I'm so glad we spent it together with JA the SBB too. :} Heehee anywayyy, see you in 2012 again, we'll ask Pling and Deaf Knee along this time round! And Jia Ai your post was so sweet XOXOXO

& BBFF, we'll get out of this sticky situation together and not be trapped in it any longer, k? It's funny how we are going through exactly the same stuff but with different people hahaha, loved yesterday and can't wait for my life to be flooded with such days! Heehee and yep it's BBFF :}

You're out of sight but not out of mind.

Thank God for the great weather today. Dry run was, considerably successful I guess? I'm really praying that the Yf camp will run smoothly. Thank you everyone for making time for tonight :)

I reached home nearly an hour ago and I can't wait to quickly take a shower and hop into bed hahaha. But before that... I was looking through some pictures just a few minutes ago, and it just occured to me how good times never last. We should always be contented still, because we've had those moments, no matter how short they were. It was only a few days, but they can last me a lifetime because the pictures have the ability to speak thousands of words that I can never utter, or describe to match the very least. They bring me back to the exact moment when I can almost feel all the same feelings. Except knowing it's all overrrr.



Hm and somehow, I find my name becoming a taboo among my friends. Hahaha oh well... :( SIGH SAD LIFE.

At One Go.

Kho-Hot Ruimin guess what, knowing you miss me makes me miss you so much more HAHA. And it's probably only 50 hours since the last time we met but I feel like meeting you againnnn, like, NOW!!! Heehee that's a good sign, right? Anyway you know I'm so busy with you-know-what lately and I feel so worn down these days but I know you are right, when everything works out for the best I'll be happy too! Currently I'm thinking about that lovely watch we saw but I'm gonna keep to my promise and stop splurging for quite a while and save up hahaha. SIGH. Okayyy you better update me soon about you-know-who heehee can't wait! Pretty Little Liars is keeping me in great suspense, only I can't watch them in one go (as much as I want to!!!) cos I have other pressing things waiting for meeeee. Alrighty love you and why does this sound like a diary entry. XOXO!

I'm no counterfeit.

Hi RuiminK I think we rock hahahaha you make me less of an embarrassment when we are together!

We should have more days like that. Oh, and don't you think it's funny we are kinda, almost, going through the same thing? Haha but yeah you are right we should all be n.o.r.m.a.l. and forget all the other confusing things. :)

This night's a perfect shade of
Dark blue dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning burning down
Dark blue dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning dark blue

We were boxing
We were boxing the stars
We were boxing we were boxing
You were swinging for Mars
And then the water reached the West Coast
And took the power lines the power lines
And it was me and you this could last forever
And the whole town under water
There was nothing we could do
It was dark blue

Love, love this.

Finally, I'm letting go
Of all my downer thoughts
In no time there'll be
One less sad robot
Looking for a chance to be
Something more than just metal

Basketball today was awesomeeeee! It felt so good playing ball with the friends and random people for hoursss. I'm... happily tired heehee. It has been a long while. :)

Okay I'm gonna escape the world for a short while, just a little little while... and when I'm back I know all of this will be behind me! I'll be as normal as normal can get and be happy with the way things exactly are. I will, oh yes I will.


Oh, Miss Delaney (Miss Delaney)
Whatcha sad for?

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.

“If only there could be an invention that bottled up a memory, like scent.
And it never faded, and it never got stale. And then, when one wanted
it,
the bottle
could be uncorked, and it would be like living the moment
all over again.”
- Daphne du Maurier

But some are better done away with, forever.

I just realised I'm gonna be so busy in the coming days and weeks, but in a good way I guess! Haha, since it really puts my energy and time to good use and stop me from rotting away while focusing on irrelevant matters.

They say, some things simply bear no answers, and maybe we should all stop looking for them. Maybe it's time I do just that.

Prayerfully all goes well. :)

Keep Your Friends Close

Kemei you have the best swimsuit hahahaha.

& Ruimin, Coco is so cute but not when he has something up his sleeves hehh little pervy :}

Love you two truckloads. Stayover the next time round! Hahaha I promise I'll try to be more glamorous so you two won't have a chance to laugh at me anymore :( Heeheheheehe!

When you turn out the lights, it's all the same darkness.

"There is a tide in the affairs of men, which taken
at the flood, leads on to fortune but omitted, and the voyage of their life is
bound in shallows and mesires. On such a full sea are we now afloat and we must
take the current when it serves or lose the ventures before us.”

Sometimes I'd rather feel nothing.
It's easier/

Fleeting Moments.

Last day, at Incheon airport. Trust me I was almost completely depressed about having to come home haha :'{

So cute. The left one. Heehee I'm kidding, I meant the one on the right. Bright like the sun, too. :)

Kimchi making (haha or rather, wrapping) it was pre-seasoned!

At Everland theme park, where the scaredy cat on the left doesn't dare to take any of the thrilling rides since she's puke-risk.

LOTTE World hotel, the characters level. CUTE OR WHAT (haha wait till you see the rooms!)

Hotel near the hot springs place.......forgot what it's called! Anyway the ceiling was decorated with stars that blink. I had a great night heehee (fell asleep while watching the stars twinkling. not the real ones but hello, it's good enough hahaha) :}

From Jeju to Incheon (day 2 or 3)

Ohhh, the farm. Fond, fond memories :)

Dinner after soaking in hot springs heehee :}

And this is Day One.

These days were beautiful, yet they are all but permanent. Short-lived, yet close to my heart. It's been more than a week, yet it only feels like yesterday that I just came back, and feeling awfully sad knowing it's all gone.

The same feelings only in a different place.

Momentarily, everything was safe and everything was better.

In brief words.

The Korea trip was spectacular and thoroughly enjoyable, so unforgettable that I'd probably always remember the time I spent there. The first day I woke up in Singapore after coming back from the trip, I was almost struck with melancholy that it was all over before I knew it. Temporal depression. Haha, and now I'm already planning to save up and travel more places next year! Top of my list: BARCA. But oh well obviously I'm gonna have to wait a long time if I'm intending to rely on my pathetic savings. Not to make myself feel worse, but I kinda just bled from spending on my new Vaio lapto (which I'm using now) yesterday. Hahaha well the brother's belated present (now perhaps in the form of belated 'money' would have to wait till the end of Dec) It's safe to say almost that, yeahh I'm broke. :(

Gonna look for a job, ASAP. Hm, but that will probably have to wait till after Dec (which means, till 2012) since I'm currently occupied with Christmas preparation, catching up with the dear friends, and most important of all at this moment, the planning for YF camp. Praying all goes well :)

Korea pictures are up on fb! Haha and... I shall blog about it another time. Maybe :}

Inititally, I simply wanted to blog one sentence.

And that was,

it sucks to be me.

Oh, and it's not because of how occupied I am (I'm sure relishing in that), but cos... according to some people, I bring epic failure to a whole new level. Sucks to be Mag then. :( HAHA kiddingggggg, I still think it's pretty awesome to be me.

Ok you probably think that's a lie. And...... I agree.

Boohoo :(

I remembered preparing myself the day before, that all good things come to an end no matter how happy they make us feel, yet when the morning arrived and the bus started towards the airport, I find myself struggling to breathe. To let go. The feeling lasted till this very moment. Not as strong, but it still lingers and it still haunts.

Too beautiful a memory makes the reminiscing immensely painful.

In Time.

So much words to say.

But all in all, thank God for bringing me to the end of the arduous A level examinations!

Putting aside the unpredictable results, I'm absolutely enjoying post A's, without the need to rush from place to place, or to keep up with my busy study plans for the day, or feeling so ultra guilty for sleeping sufficiently while my friends compromise on theirs. Hahaha and now, I'm all set for Korea bwahaha :}


My A lvls ended yesterday, and spending the night with the two girls was crazy fun epic heehee. The dinosaur, big baby and the aunty makes one great combi woosh. And Deaf Knee if you;re reading this, next time it'll be CEREAL KILLERS' OUTING FULL ATTENDANCE K, PROMISE. DEAL. :} Wooooots! HAHA ok I think I'm still suffering from the effects of lack in sleep plus the flu jab earlier in the day, and hence my incoherent expression of words now. Okay who am I kidding, I'm incoherent anyways, and always, according to the friends. Their opinion though, not mine! :))))))))))

I love shopping early in the morning when the crowd is away and I feel like I have the whole mall to myself, (haha and in the case of today, JA as welllllll) Thanks babe heehee, don't miss me when I'm gone! (sigh I know you won't LOL) Spent so much today I feel guilty maxxxx.

Okay I'm FINALLY gonna TRAVEL tomorrow HAHA so I'm a happy girl right now! And at the same time, I'm gonna do some light reading while I'm away and when I'm free, so that means I get to do two of my favourite things for the next 8 days or so. LOVE POST-A'S! Heehee and as of now, I can't wait for my dear friends to end theirs (when I'm back) so I can catch up with all of them big big big time. All the best for the remaining papers all! :)

On a totally random note: Scandinavian traditions hold that if a boy and girl eat from the same loaf, they are bound to fall in love.

How cute!

Not implying anything............ HAHAHHAHAHHAA!

I realise my mood has been going up and down, kinda tiring y'know. But oh well, happiness is a mood, not a destination. I need to get used to this fact and not keep expecting for more. At this point of time, there are so many indecipherable thoughts swimming in my head, but only one which I can't seem to get it out. Grr frustrating.

Maybe we should all just stick to the roles we play and avoid unnecessary complications and confusion. I should be happy that you are. :)

The rest, perhaps time will tell.

All was fine till I came back.

You had to burst my bubble of this make-believe. I have already decided to accept the remnants of what I'm left with, but guess even that is too much for me. So looks like I don't even deserve to have this bit of happiness.

Maybe it never was fine, but I stupidly decided to accept that you changed deep down. Since that unforgettable incident last year. Suddenly, it makes me dread being near you, or the rest of us here. It's not supposed to be the case. I thought I only have you all. Now even that's debatable.

You know it doesn't matter whether it's intentional or not. Sometimes the things that you blurt out without thinking twice are the things that you really mean. And I get it.

No matter what I do, it's never enough.

Econs paper 2 didn't went so well, but it's alright cos' I know I did my best. I was constantly fighting to be fine, and I was. Especially with the two girls who absolutely made my day after that... (haha won't forget such an epic night y'two :) ) Until, now. Who was to expect such a day had to end on such a bad note? Right now I'm just broken. Everything horrible happening in my life just flashed past and momentarily, I feel like a failure.

:(

Tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe.

This don't matter like it did before.

This don't matter much anymore.

12 years down the road.

May our 30 years pact never be realised for the both of us. :)

Always redundant but no more.

It's nice to see everyone move on, maybe it's time that I do, too.

You can't hide from life, eventually you have to live it.

But even after all those things, inside it's still empty.

But today I'm supposed to feel, happy.

I'm not much for words.

What if one day you woke up and you are not angry anymore?

Where do you draw the line between caring and caring too much?

And when should you stop?

The human brain with multiple complexities often have the ability to drive us mad, but most of the time we still stay sane. Perhaps because every time we allow ourselves to fall captive to the truest desire deep down, even if it's almost unattainable, reality slaps us hard in the face. But sometimes, it's God's way of pulling us back on track.

This feeling, is it sadness? When I witness so many betrayals of all kinds, even the most trivial and seemingly insignificant ones happening to the people around me... Relationships of all kinds, friends, family ties, etc... how can they be so strong yet so fragile at the same time? But when I look at myself I don't feel in a position to feel sorry for others because I have become a victim of what I allowed to happen to me. Anyway, I sincerely wish for my closed ones to be happy, and even for those who are not. Just, be happy. From the bottom of my heart.

Maybe, only time will tell if those words you say mean something, anything at all. I know the importance of actions, but still I unknowingly grow so used to believing in the things you say. What will happen in the future, the near future even? But even at this moment, contemplating all of this makes me despise myself. I shouldn't even be entertaining these thoughts that go through my head... how lousy of me :(

So when do you know, if what you are doing is right or wrong?

I honestly don't know.

OKAY. I survived on 3 hours of sleep yesterday, and so hopefully tonight I'll get sufficient sleep! This means it's time to continue mugging for SEA History, which is officially gonna become history tomorrow heehee can't wait! Pray I end well :) OH, that should be left for next Mon...Econs paper 2 my LAST A LEVEL PAPER BWAHAHAHA. Can't imagine this given my current mood but... I'll be preparing to fly to Korea next week this time hehhhh :}

On a side note, I made a mental note not to talk about my A level papers that are over (obviously because I didn't think they went so well.... :/ ) haha but I just feel that I ought to give thanks nevertheless. To even come so far... thank God for sustenance! Admittedly, I'm scared to the core at the thought of receiving the result next year (omg maggggg grrr haha.) BUT I will press on and continue trusting Him, my anchor :) His plans for me are greater than the oceans and mountains. Heehehehee!

It's like screaming & no one can hear.

Just gotta be thankful I'm already halfway through.

So much complaints, so much doubts. But who am I to decide if my efforts paid off or not? For one, I'm not even through with the A level exams. Secondly, I don't know the results yet. And most important of all, I'm not God. There I said it! One of the quotes I practically believe in with all my heart: none knows the weight of another's burden. Yet I know for sure, my God does. Call it an emotional tide or mental weariness, but I'm quite sure many things other than A LEVELS crossed my mind yesterday and altogether, made me enter into a state of trance. So while yesterday was as horrible as it gets, I'm picking myself up from today and onwards. Trust in God, that's all it takes for me to live. But I had to take it for granted, every single time. Guilty.

And in spite of all that, I know my God lives, and He lives in me.

I won't run out of my faith.

Another person to thank God for: TOHWUENLYNNIEWINIEMINNIE. So glad she asked me out in the afternoon before I wasted my whole afternoon away, haha. Well, time spent with her can never be wasted time :) Anyway, the rest of the day was filled with the usual heartwarming thingys that need no elaboration simply because ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. Hahaha serious, I guarantee we were annoying like crap because we laughed so much and so hard the people around us could just stare and wish they knew what was so funny. Throughout my 2 years in JC, I'm just glad to say I felt like we spent every moment together, hard times or easy ones. This is in spite of the fact that we are in two different schools, facing completely different problems and struggles. Our hearts though, are the same. :} CHEESY MUCH!


Anyway, food for thought: they say those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter. So why do we care so much when we know it's all pointless to those who don't care? 

It all seems so surreal.

I'm taking my first A level paper tomorrow, and the sick feeling in my stomach isn't going away.. but I know,

God will provide.

All the best everyone!

Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off

Psalm 139:2

.

Even when i set myself on fire;

These days,

it becomes very easy to see who really cares;

it becomes effortless almost, to distinguish the ones who stay with you through thick and thin from those who walk away without turning back.

Oh but rest assured that you'll see them round when the tide clears.

So that's one experience I had best carve into my mind. Not so much for the latter, but for remembering those who are important, those who should always matter.

Tonight, the bitter reminder keeps ringing by my ears. Why mag why, do you stupidly send yourself there to be torn apart, once again? For gratitude, nothing more.

But always. That's always the reason. When can I ever make a clean break?

'A' levels in four days. Live and let God.

But those are heartbeats on closed doors.

After yesterday, I finally thought it through and let go of the stupid miseries that have been weighing me down. Haha thank God! Indeed it is now much easier to focus and zoom in on the most important task at hand. :) That's not to say though, that I'm having a great time. If anything, I can't wait for the end of Nov to come- KOREA! Bwahaha first stop of my post-A's travelling destinations.

Hmm.. Then again, what about A levels itself?

During history consultation yesterday, our intelligent teacher got me thinking: really, what IS the whole point of the A level examinations? In the context of Singapore, or maybe even the world out there, we ought to be aiming for all the As and possibly Bs and a prestigious position in the course we desire. But who says those are the things which make us genuinely happy? Maybe for some, it made me wonder what I truly want.. And how about God's will for my life, does it even sound remotely familiar to me? We all tend to forget the process and look straight ahead to the results, and that's human nature. But I don't want to waste my life away worrying about the outcome and compromising on the joy that I could have attained from God's strength. God will never throw me trials too big to handle, but the thing is, will I willingly go through these tests without blaming Him for not making my life a bed of roses?

I thought deep and hard, and I came to a conclusion that all these uncertainties and stress I'm facing boil down to the very fact of existing expectations and what nots. Fear of letting them down, fear of..

Ok. Point made. Just saying!

OKAY ANYWAY HEHEHE,

I just cooked my own dinner today cos nobody's eating home and I didn't wanna eat porridge with my uncle haha. Proud to say, the fried (but not-so-fried) egg I cooked and brocolli were really yummy! (hahaha self-praise but too bad since nobody other than me tried it) Come to think about it, it's their loss LOL. My brother thinks I can't cook so.. ahhaa imma show him!

*my uncle laughing and standing at the side watching me cook: how you gonna cook for your boyfriend next time?

Grrr hahahaha but seriously, I'm still insisting that I can cook! Heehee and trust me, I'm so gonna be a great cooker after A's. Oh, I mean CHEF HAHA. :}

PS, the man utd game started mins ago and he was sitting on the sofa (with me beside him)

him: "hmm.. where got girls like soccer one."
me: *glare* hello, i'm a girl
"ya lor that's why"

HAHA ughhh I start to wonder if I'm actually giving off the wrong vibes. The friends are starting to treat me like a "bro".

OKAY ADIOS. This has been a nice break. :)

But don't run out of your faith.

On the way home from another day ending, drawing me closer to the start of November, and of A's, I felt so overwhelmed, so small and so dispirited. I had to turn to something, something I had with me, something to help me fight against the negativity. I read the text again today, and it pulled on my heartstrings as much as it did the first time I woke up to it 2 weeks ago. The gratitude that filled me, the guilt, the expectations, hope, love, belief, assurance, and so much more that I can't describe with words alone. But at this point of time, I'm really uncertain. Of myself, of.. everything. I know you think I can do it, and I have to do it, but reality is I may not be as capable as you think me to be :( But I'll do my best, and I'll pray that I can do it with God's grace. For you, for me, for us, for God.

I felt like I a whole day of Winter in the Library today. But all's good because it's the first time I studied for 8 hours straight without any distractions, yet I have to come to be face in face with reality, the reality that I'm insufficient, still. Very much so. Say, there's less than 2 weeks? Did I feel this unprepared for 'O's? Part of me wish I did, so the outcome would seem less pessimistic. But really, if I've done all I could, there's nothing more I can do but to let go and let God. So, why am I worrying? Maybe it's just cos I haven't put in enough...

Looking beyond your intention,
and my expectation.

I hope for better in November

Hi, God has been good to me. :)

No, I'm not doing well in my studies by any standards.
No, I'm not having the time of my life.
No, I don't feel adequate for A's, not at all.
No, I'm not as understanding or as patient or as sacrificial as I would like to think myself to be.

But God has been good to me.

In so many ways.

Small, subtle reminders of His graciousness in my everyday life. :)

Lately I've been spamming History essays after essays, consultations after consultations. I feel like my other subjects are screaming for my attention. Haha okay but hello dear Maths Econs GP and CSE, I'm not wonderwoman, I need to start with my weakest subject and that's none other than History. :( But I promise I'll come to you soon, like, now. After this. Haha okay, madwoman alert here.................

(Sorry this happens when I have nobody to hear me rant. :'( )

Anyway, History consultations have been really useful for me and trust me, I'm just glad I realised how much I need them. The teacher really encourages me a lot, not by mere words, but by his affirmation of my improvement and progress, and his perception that I'm actually quite insightful hehehehe! Maybe it's a big deal to me because I rarely sound intellectual to my friends. :( HAHA. But I guess the main point is, I really thank the Lord for constant strength and grace and love, for I know I can never come so far without Him, nor can I continue pressing on with my own ability. I am weak but He is strong!

Praying for God's continual grace to carry me through. I'm scared, so scared to my bones... but I know this fear cannot stop me from anything if I have God with me. And for all of you out there, we have 20 days and no matter how bleak everything seems, just keep calm and trust God. Heehee, but remember to study too lahhhh! :}

November let's be good friends! :-)
We can travel together, re-watch 10 seasons of Friends, sit and stone at Starbucks all day long with the crazy peeps(friends), have stayovers, read 10 books in 1 week, play Basketball like I own the court(bwahahha), go to the movies like it's free, prepare Christmas cards in advance which you always leave to December anywaysss, linger around in Church like there's no tomorrow, talk on the phone with friends over the most insignificant or significant events that happened in the day,week,month,year, travel again, learn the piano, learn Spanish,........ omg MAG GO STUDY. Kthxbye.


And after all is said and done, I guess it's back to a square one..
Maybe that is a good thing after all, it sets us free.

But maybe, I just need someone to listen. Full, undivided attention, seconds and hours of listening to what my inner heart is shouting out aloud, which no one hears. To listen, is that too much to ask for? From the way things are looking... perhaps it is too much.

This morning you see.

It's just that you have to draw the line of determination from
desperation.

How apt.

Hmm how do I say this?

I guess it simply is.. I've decided to stay true to my heart and do the right thing. Anyway either way it's gonna hurt so I probably should make it worthwhile. At least I get to see others happy yepppp haha, that's it. :)

And maybe just wanna say, I'll be here anytime you need, if you need.

& I thank God for you.

Just, thank God.

PIECEMEAL.

Have you ever come to a crossroad with your heart, wondering if it's best to let go and move on, or hang on to what means a lot to you, but having to live with the possibly heartbreaking consequence of your choice?

Anyway.

You are a gem and I don't want to lose you.. but maybe reality is the louder voice.

My head and my heart are pulling me in two opposite directions, and I honestly don't know what to do.

OKAY ON A LIGHTER NOTE:

LIVERPOOL VS MAN UTD, 1-1

Shall save on my comments because twitter is giving me enough headaches haha. Just glad to see Liverpool's decent play. And Man Utd was not bad either. Hehehehe Henderson & Gerrard made my day! :)

Untitled.

I read the lines and lines of priceless, heartfelt feelings you practically shout out with all your heart, pen down into words that translate into a sweet melody. It was all warm, but at the same time, a slap in the face.

The word is speechless.

The kind of jolt that wakes you up from a deep slumber. It's time to wake up. It's reality. It's... not you.

Your Big Heart.

One thing you should know, even if I'd said this to you many times for the past 2 years, it doesn't mean less each time I say it. Thank you JA.

I'll keep it short here. But anywhere here goes.. You are what made life in SA so colourful, so inexplicable for me. There were probably many uphills we went through together, but I believe those were needful as all these experiences taught me to recognise change, to accept change, and to change for the better. It all made me stronger, and you better than anyone else in school, should know that pretty well. :) There are (too many) times, you can read my intentions and know my thoughts without me expressing them vocally, and along with you being yourself, you make me so comfortable around you. Always. Haha, I think you bring out the most unglamorous in me. (not that I have anything to be glam about.......) OKAY I SHALL STOP HERE NOW. You can, await for the rest of my awesome message... which you'll receive maybe in 10 years down the road. Or sooner, heehee :}

Anyway, thank you for doing so many things for me. Countless. And I hope you know that without you, those things mean nothing. You always say you're not a good friend, but I feel otherwise. Yep, that's my thesis. I'm gonna fail this because I can't come out with any counter arguments.

(erm... okay, you are supposed to be laughing. but i guess not.so......kthxbye hehehehe)

The scariest thing about distance, is that you don’t know whether they’ll miss you or forget you.

& being so reluctant to forget what makes you sad, knowing it was what made you happy in the first place.

The Fix.

I feel like it's back to the last of my secondary school days, only worse. How do I turn impossible to possible? How do I continue to push forward when everything seems so gloomy ahead, and it's taking so much to resist whatever is holding me back?

I'm pretty contented for my prelim results for a couple of subjects, the others.. pure disappointment. But I need to stay calm, keep cool, and... do something about it. If I did it 2 years ago, why can't I do it again now? I just need to find back my faith, and be reassured of God's strength and grace, which is more than sufficient to pull me through.

So what if they are throwing doubts in your face, as if you don't have enough of them? It shouldn't matter that nobody sees your hard work or acknowledges your efforts, or believe in you. Those that do, that's good enough because ultimately you should be giving your best shot for the sole purpose of yourself, and more importantly the glory of God. The rest is in His hands. You know it, so even if the results speak otherwise now, what difference does it make? It's not the end, not yet. So what's all the negativity about, if you know, and believe, that everything is under control in God's time and plan?

Maybe something more.

This indescribable feeling... the questions bothering you, just let go of them.

Cos from this moment onwards nothing else should matter. It's not worth it. Get your priorities straight. Kthxbye.

So the end is near. But why does it matter? You have been looking forward to this for God knows how long... to end this confusing phase in your life, so why the sudden subtle tinge of melancholy that comes along with the knowledge that nothing's gonna change, or stay the same, for that matter? So many questions, so few answers. So many doubts, so little time..

You might as well get used to it now.

Love and Other Disasters.

Apparently, everything and everyone changed.

I don't know what to make out of it.. admittedly it was a bitter pill to swallow, that out of nowhere I didn't know where to place myself. Just like a piece of puzzle that comes together in the box don't seem to fit in with the rest anyhow.

You made me believe the friendship was built on concrete ground. But now I'm left wondering if it's hollow beneath it.. It is kinda sad, but if I'm trying too hard, then what's the point?

I slipped, but true friends hold onto me, they held on to me.

Cut.

Stop being so self-centred.

It's amazing how God convicted me through enabling m to witness the actions and words of the people around me. Some kind, some compassionate, some selfless.


There's a day when you realise that you're not just a survivor, you're a warrior.

Months Later.

Our memories give us voice. They bear the witness to history, so that others might learn, so they might celebrate our triumphs and be warned of our failures.

Got back our GP prelim today, and I'm really thankful for the results. It's my best I've done for GP, ever. Prayerfully I can produce the same kind of work for A's, or better. I feel so undeserved. Thank God! The other subjects... hm that's another story altogether. I gotta buck up like, so much more. C'mon few more months. No, weeks actually. :/

I played basketball today, after what seems like ages. Heehee it feels really good after not touching the ball for so long. Catching up with last year's classmates like Shawn and Gerald was really heartening too, had a great laugh with them! :)

On a side note, I need to start running more.. feeling so unfit hehehe.

"Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God." Psalm 20:7

Chasing Cars

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

It gets so tiring to chase after that which will never stop for a moment to look back, or slow down in its truest desire for you to catch up with. It's pointless chasing after something you know is not intended for you, not meant to be, and seemingly out of reach.

We never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory. So apt.

Seeing friends leave, literally or figuratively, it's all sad. Yet why do we only realise what we have when we lost it? Or in a totally different scenario, even when we cherish those around us very much, why can't we stop them from going away anyway? I guess.. cos' meeting and parting, that's life, that's all a part of God's greater plan to let us know we are so small, so defenseless to time and His purpose.

Anyway, lunch with Joanne and Shuyi today was great. I'm glad we got to catch up after months of drifting apart. Well, not really. Just, we've had less contact. Sad to say, Joanne's gonna leave for UK next Mon! Oh well she'll be back because she loves Singapore. HAHA it's okay, we part to meet again! :)

The day after that was just hours of chilling with Lynnie, and we made new discoveries and motivation today heehee! Can't wait for us to put plan into action oh yeah hahaha :}

Fallout.

Heroes is likea cool.

Loving Peter Petrelli and Claire. Okay that's my small dose of treat after Prelims, which sad to say, should stop soon. Like, POSSIBLY end of today. HAHA.

Anyway, there's a lot weighing on my mind.. and all's more or less the same things I keep replaying in my head over and over again for the last few weeks. It's hard trying to push those thoughts away, but I guess it's better to do without them, anyway.

Pain, is weakness leaving the body.

That's, comforting to know at the very least.

Brighter than the sun.

Late night mugging, afternoon naps, morning frenzy. It's not gonna end here, it's gonna be doubly intense from here henceforth. BRING IT ON! :)

Hahahahahaha I say this easily because my prelims end today. And a couple of days later I won't guarantee the frown won't be back. In any case, I'm gonna stay P.O.S.I.T.I.V.E. or at the very least, TRY. Come what may! Anyway, the stats paper today was more than a little difficult to me, if you ask. But no complaints, just gonna work harder. The History paper was killing my master hand and no amount of massage seemed to work in the midst of that 3hrs, not that I had any time to massage my hands for that matter. (Unlike some of my classmates who had spare time to SOLVE MATHS QUESTIONS after completing their essays, like seriously?! HAHA.)

Bus ride to tpy(hilarious), train ride to dhoby. Bus ride to Parkway, bus ride home. Spending 4 whole hours with LeeJA wasn't too bad. Hahahha she's gonna kill me if she sees this, after I sent her a "so shweet text" heehee. It was a blast and almost as if we had no more exams, ever. If only! Anyway, it's nice to relieve old times and joke around like foooools with the classmates. And seeing how far we've all come. I bet our jokes were so funny strangers wanted to laugh too. It wouldn't be so annoying if we weren't so noisy, though. 

TROUBLE IS A FRIEND.

Trouble he will find you no matter where you go, oh oh
No matter if you're fast, no matter if you're slow, oh oh
The eye of the storm or the cry in the mourn, oh oh
You're fine for a while but you start to lose control

He's there in the dark, he's there in my heart
He waits in the wings, he's gotta play a part
Trouble is a friend, yeah trouble is a friend of mine, oh oh!

Trouble is a friend but trouble is a foe, oh oh
And no matter what I feed him he always seems to grow, oh oh
He sees what I see and he knows what I know, oh oh
So don't forget as you ease on down the road

So don't be alarmed if he takes you by the arm
I won't let him win, but I'm a sucker for his charm
Trouble is a friend, yeah trouble is a friend of mine, oh oh!

Oh how I hate the way he makes me feel
And how I try to make him leave, I try!
Oh oh, I try!

I won't say Prelims is off to a good start. Not since the first GP paper. Then History paper 2 which I completely wrote out of point for one of the three questions. And Maths paper 1 which I know I could have prepared for more than I did. CSE, and finally Econs paper 1 today which I didn't manage to finish. But I'm gonna take it in my stride and just work harder for A levels! No time for misery and self-doubt. God is with me. :)

These two days, I start to once again appreciate the things and people around me more than I have for months too. I guess that's why God puts us through fiery trials in the first place, so that we can better learn how to cope with greater challenges ahead and rise above ourselves. Life's tough but God is good!

It's not your situation which has changed, but your perception.

Press on!

MAD RUSH! Okay, I spent the earlier part of today hitting the books and enjoying the rarely cool weather.. in between thinking back on how things were last year, or the year before. Things aren't gonna get easier from here, and if anything, it'll just be more challenging. Life is an arduous journey, and I don't think I can ever complete it without God's grace. It's time to re-shift my priorities, sensing that things are getting out of hand.

"... but we still pursue them and puzzle over why we cannot stop doing it."

I Don't Wanna Be.

Hihihihihihihihi I'm back after a very confused phase of my life.

I don't wanna be someone I know I'm not, so it's all gonna stop here. HAHA I read most of my older posts and I realised I've been a VERY SAD PERSON FOR THE PAST YEAR OR SO! HAHA. Not gonna dwell anymore.

thanks Kemei for your postcard... hmm I think it's, "spectacular" even though you don't think so HAHA! It was great studying with you yesterday, though I was busy sniffing and dealing with migraines :( Haha & our failed attempts at making Kho Rm jealous! But it was fun nevertheless, laughing at her smses that she herself had no idea was so hilarious. :)

& thanks for waking me up at 6.30am today like you said you would heehee.

On a side note, Lynnie injured her hand by smashing it into a light bulb and landed in A&E 2 days ago! I had a total shock of my life I called her immediately only to realise she wasn't answering. Hahahah then she texted me like 2hrs later to tell me she's fine. Anyway, how she landed in that situation is beyond me haha, gonna listen to her story SOON. Don't text so much already Wuen Lynn haha!

Okay, the weather is erratic and everyone is falling sick lately. Okay, or maybe just me... hmm taking a panadol each day for 5 days straight now :{ It's time to stop before I get hooked :/ Yep so anyway, take care all of you peeps because... exams are just round the corner. Boohoo! :(

LIVE AND LET GO

Letting go is never easy.

Always, leave everything a little better than when you just found it.

On a side note, time is ticking away fast. Anxiety is not helping, not at all. I wonder who knows the heart in me now. The small voice is reminding me, to never forget there is a God I can rely on when all else fails.

"We all have to live with the residue of our choices, and the consequence of our actions.” OTH, Brooke Davis

Spirit in the Night

You. girls. are. awesome.

Such simple times when the night is actually so calming, it makes you happy enough just to be with the people you love hanging out with. :)

The superwoman who did ALL the picnic preparation, transformed into a mega hip DJ, and most importantly brought along her imba self.

Memories like these, moments that hover and pass.

"E.E. Cummings once wrote; 'To be nobody-but-yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.'"

And to be myself in front of these two people, is absolutely not something I have to struggle with. I love them for who they are, and for loving me the way I am. It's a blessing, an undeserving one on my part, for these two wonderful friends in my life. I don't even know if 'friends' is sufficient to convey how significant they are to me! They are so amiable and trustworthy, so giving and fiercely dependable. This post is nearly 3 weeks late, but the greatness of my appreciation for what they have done for my birthday haven't change at all, if anything I just learn to treasure them more. :}

Xiaofei, I will never forget our first encounter, from the first few words you said to me the first day I went for training(HAHA), to gymming together and to tau huey. Most of all, I know these epic moments will not stop there, as proven on my 18th birthday(heehee!), and also because we have a deal with your-new-friend-Lynnie that the three of us will be awaiting the marvelous trip to Barca with much anticipation. And trust me, it won't stop there! I must have said it thousands of times, but you made my 18th so ingrained that I won't say "thank you" anymore, but I love you so. Okay, now you can die from cheesiness and excessive goosebumps HEEHEE :D

And Toh Wuen Lynn, for more than 5 years now we've grown from complete strangers to acquintances, to teammates, to friends, and finally, lovers. HAHA I'm kidding, in case any one gets the wrong idea LOL. Nah I'm definitely joking because you know I'm straight and there's the U-18 Rugby shirt guy at Holland V, remember? HAHAHA, okay that's not the point. (if ever he comes across this then I'll just drop dead and die teehee!) You know we are so close we actually feel comfortable stoning in each other's presence and just relishing every moment we have together, and that knowledge alone comforts my heart so much whenever I am feeling alone. This never loses its meaning: I don't know what it will be like for me without you now that I've grown so accustomed to having you there with me going through nearly every important stage of our lives (since sec 1) together. From the smallest (Cedar bball team conflicts haha) to the most challenging obstacles ('A' lvls in less than 3 months!!), we've been there for each other and I can only wish with all my heart that all these that we experience together will only be a glimpse of how our friendship will grow and become in future, that in a long time to come we'll still be travelling side by side! The birthday surprise was completely unexpected, but everything you know I want for my two unbelivably good friends. I know you know me hehh. I love you Lynnie!