On the way home from another day ending, drawing me closer to the start of November, and of A's, I felt so overwhelmed, so small and so dispirited. I had to turn to something, something I had with me, something to help me fight against the negativity. I read the text again today, and it pulled on my heartstrings as much as it did the first time I woke up to it 2 weeks ago. The gratitude that filled me, the guilt, the expectations, hope, love, belief, assurance, and so much more that I can't describe with words alone. But at this point of time, I'm really uncertain. Of myself, of.. everything. I know you think I can do it, and I have to do it, but reality is I may not be as capable as you think me to be :( But I'll do my best, and I'll pray that I can do it with God's grace. For you, for me, for us, for God.
I felt like I a whole day of Winter in the Library today. But all's good because it's the first time I studied for 8 hours straight without any distractions, yet I have to come to be face in face with reality, the reality that I'm insufficient, still. Very much so. Say, there's less than 2 weeks? Did I feel this unprepared for 'O's? Part of me wish I did, so the outcome would seem less pessimistic. But really, if I've done all I could, there's nothing more I can do but to let go and let God. So, why am I worrying? Maybe it's just cos I haven't put in enough...
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