I hope for better in November

Hi, God has been good to me. :)

No, I'm not doing well in my studies by any standards.
No, I'm not having the time of my life.
No, I don't feel adequate for A's, not at all.
No, I'm not as understanding or as patient or as sacrificial as I would like to think myself to be.

But God has been good to me.

In so many ways.

Small, subtle reminders of His graciousness in my everyday life. :)

Lately I've been spamming History essays after essays, consultations after consultations. I feel like my other subjects are screaming for my attention. Haha okay but hello dear Maths Econs GP and CSE, I'm not wonderwoman, I need to start with my weakest subject and that's none other than History. :( But I promise I'll come to you soon, like, now. After this. Haha okay, madwoman alert here.................

(Sorry this happens when I have nobody to hear me rant. :'( )

Anyway, History consultations have been really useful for me and trust me, I'm just glad I realised how much I need them. The teacher really encourages me a lot, not by mere words, but by his affirmation of my improvement and progress, and his perception that I'm actually quite insightful hehehehe! Maybe it's a big deal to me because I rarely sound intellectual to my friends. :( HAHA. But I guess the main point is, I really thank the Lord for constant strength and grace and love, for I know I can never come so far without Him, nor can I continue pressing on with my own ability. I am weak but He is strong!

Praying for God's continual grace to carry me through. I'm scared, so scared to my bones... but I know this fear cannot stop me from anything if I have God with me. And for all of you out there, we have 20 days and no matter how bleak everything seems, just keep calm and trust God. Heehee, but remember to study too lahhhh! :}

November let's be good friends! :-)
We can travel together, re-watch 10 seasons of Friends, sit and stone at Starbucks all day long with the crazy peeps(friends), have stayovers, read 10 books in 1 week, play Basketball like I own the court(bwahahha), go to the movies like it's free, prepare Christmas cards in advance which you always leave to December anywaysss, linger around in Church like there's no tomorrow, talk on the phone with friends over the most insignificant or significant events that happened in the day,week,month,year, travel again, learn the piano, learn Spanish,........ omg MAG GO STUDY. Kthxbye.


And after all is said and done, I guess it's back to a square one..
Maybe that is a good thing after all, it sets us free.

But maybe, I just need someone to listen. Full, undivided attention, seconds and hours of listening to what my inner heart is shouting out aloud, which no one hears. To listen, is that too much to ask for? From the way things are looking... perhaps it is too much.