Light up again.

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you, yeah
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find you and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

God always have a way of making the seemingly worst things become the best things that come into being. Some thinks it's luck, some call it fate, I say it's God's mighty hand at work, and unconditional love for us. There's just so many things I wanna say, remember, and thank God for.

I had bball training yesterday, which since 2011, I've been dreading so much every single time. I don't know why. Or maybe deep down my heart I know the reason, I just didn't want to face my fears. Yes it's true the people around us are often times the reason our heart quivers with timidity, and our confidence is shaken, but in the end it boils down to the fact that's we let them in the first place. But despite everything, the unexpected happened. And, in a good way. There were mistakes made, and you know how the court can be so happening with all the passes and lay ups and shooting and dribbling, and at the same time, be so quiet it's deafening. We broke into silence, and the atmosphere? Definitely awkward. Even for us who weren't directly embroiled can only force smiles and feign normalcy. Then again, how can it be we are not involved? We all are. We are a team, we should be, even if we are not. Disputes, misunderstandings, hurt, honesty, and fragility.

But I'm just glad to say, at least we all know the problem now. The end of a facade is the start of the willingness to accept, to change, and to forgive, right? I thank God throughout, he was able to promt me to do the right things and in this case, place me in the best possible position. For once, I didn't felt obliged to side one party. In fact, I think this drama brought me closer to them. Both sides. Apart from that, I managed to resolve issues between the 3 of them, and myself. It was... appeasing, and a relief. Although it comes with a price- the truth. The truth of what lies beneath all the suspicions, front, doubts and loneliness. Well, like they say, the truth always hurts. But along with it comes the healing, and the learning, and the accepting. Sometimes, we just have to learn the hard way. And it goes two ways. But it all turns out for the best, just like how God intends for us. :)

Haha yep, and I met Kemei after that for dinner near school. It was a delight. HAHA sounds like some desert lol lol. It really was just a pleasure to hang out with her, especially after a whole week of stress and fatigue due to the lack of sleep. I was simply burnt out, yet kept whole, because the Lord was sustaining me praise Him! :D Okay anyway, we talked about 4Maddies and our Cedar teachers and their adorable gestures and mainly, just reminiscing. During those few hours there... we just focused on being happy. And we were.

On a random note...Did I ever mentioned I love late night walks? HAHA, yeah I do.

Okay, when I board the bus back home, I saw someone whom I least expected to say the words which impacted me so much, not to mention change my whole mood from contentment to being driven, encouraged, and ultimately happy. He spurred me on without even knowing it. You know, it's nice being appreciated. It's like after all the tears and sweat, those years of trainings finally paid off, knowing that others recognise your abilities and your worth. And for that I thank God. For bringing hope into my life through the most unexpected people, and at the same time giving me the opportunity to start anew. I'm convicted of my flaws, and I'm guilty for being judgmental and unforgiving. I've always liked to think myself as otherwise. Well, who wouldn't? But search deep inside yourself and you'll find that horrible being. There's nothing you can do, but commit that ugly side of your self to the Lord and let Him take control. Pray He'll transform you into the person you know He wants you to be, filled with all grace and lovingkindness. :)

Before I slept, I logged onto facebook. And I received a message that was ever so invigorating. You know, my day could have stopped there, but it didn't. It got better with that sincere message that touched my heart with reasons I can't fathom. I'm thankful. And that was yesterday.

Now, let's rewind 4 hours back..

My brother walked into my room and showed me a few really fascinating photos which really surprised, and somewhat amused me. That, was the start of something different.. something sweet and full of grace. I can safely say for me, it was the close of an unpleasant memory which brought me much pain and unkindness. At least for a while back. But now, thank God He brought it to pass. He gave me a new love for them, for him. Then we went out to watch a movie with Lorencia and my mom. I ate dinner before my brother came home and suggested going out to eat, so when we went to Marche I just sat there and drink root beer while I see them dig into all the savoury good. :( HAHA but at that point of time I was too full to feel tempted. Oh well! All smiles.

The car ride back was as sweet as the car ride there. And my crazy brother was speeding home because he needed the toilet badly HAHA, and the wind blew at my face so strongly even while dozing off in the car I had difficulty breathing. LOL.

We always care. We always say we stop caring. But we don't. We never do. Because those are the people we love most. The people God placed in our life from the very start of it all. And they are the ones whom we can never walk away from. Sometimes we hate them. We think we hate them. But we don't. We only hate the fact that, despite how mean they can be sometimes, how uncaring or how hurtful their words and actions are, we can never stop loving them. Often, we are just too unforgiving to see it, too hurt to forget it. I told myself a couple of months ago, "I will forgive, and I know God wants me to. Just not yet, not now.."

But tonight is now. Tonight I know God answered my prayer.

Blessed are the hearts that can bend. They can never be broken.