Your Awkwardness Is Adorable.

What you have now is sufficient, it's good.

Don't be disheartened because life is larger than you think and your breakthrough is near. Don't be disappointed because there's always someone out there waiting to impress you. Don't be sad for you'd be robbing others off an opportunity to see your smile light up the world every time you frown.

Just, what are you afraid of?
You know, it's true people put up walls not to keep people out, but simply to see who cares enough to break them down. Imagine what one small action or word you do or say could change their lives, maybe forever.

I'm really glad JA and I are in the same class, because many times that's what keeps us from giving in to the despair around us, so strong and alluring. Haha, PE today was a funny enough to make our day, and I believe we both know the reason why ;) And seriously my standing board jump sucksss :{ HAHA the centimetres keep dropping as my age increases each year. I want to get my gold again this year. Anything less would be a record breaker and it'd end my jc life on a depressing note. SAD :(

Oh, and I really just wanna thank God for the people in my life. All of them, because they certainly made a difference in my life one way or another. Meeting Lynn last Friday was one of the main highlights of my January 2011. I missed her like, mad. Heeheehee and as usual we give each other the best therapies ever. The HEART therapy. Heh :}

xoxo.

PS, meeting Xiaofei tomorrow and I can't wait ekdinjwodnwe394u234799999! :)

PSS, I feel sad for Fernando..... :( I pray with all my heart that whatever decision he makes would turn out for the best for him and he'd be as happy as he was when he first arrived at Anfield. I got a feeling he would certainly leave Liverpool, and my heart's breakingggggg just at the thought of it, but that doesn't change how much I love him okokkok. Okay thanks bye.

PSSS, I'm NOT obssessed with him. Yeahyeahyeah okay really, bye.

Running To Stand Still

If not now, then when?

There's a time for everything. And now, it's time for work. No more dramas and dreams and wishful thinking. No, at least not for now. I can't believe it's already the end of January, it still feels as if yesterday it was New Year's Eve and we were all at Sandra's playing mono deal. Even better, it feels like yesterday was Christmas. Or even Yf camp. But nah, moments pass, time is ticking away and life is too short.

I was speaking with someone today over msn and he expressed great bewilderment over how certain aspect of my life remained unchanged and it just got me thinking, yeah.. why? You know, it gets so hard sometimes.

I walk down the roads and I see crowds of people passing by, and suddenly it dawned upon me how I've wasted days and weeks and months hoping for that which is not meant for me. I was just too stubborn to let go because I was afraid of being alone. I wasn't sure I'd be strong enough. And I'm still not sure. But, truth be told I'm weary of all of it. I'm done. I keep searching and believing, and yet here am I, stuck at the same spot. Perhaps feeling dumber than ever. But now I'm placing my trust in God alone.

Light up again.

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you, yeah
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find you and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

God always have a way of making the seemingly worst things become the best things that come into being. Some thinks it's luck, some call it fate, I say it's God's mighty hand at work, and unconditional love for us. There's just so many things I wanna say, remember, and thank God for.

I had bball training yesterday, which since 2011, I've been dreading so much every single time. I don't know why. Or maybe deep down my heart I know the reason, I just didn't want to face my fears. Yes it's true the people around us are often times the reason our heart quivers with timidity, and our confidence is shaken, but in the end it boils down to the fact that's we let them in the first place. But despite everything, the unexpected happened. And, in a good way. There were mistakes made, and you know how the court can be so happening with all the passes and lay ups and shooting and dribbling, and at the same time, be so quiet it's deafening. We broke into silence, and the atmosphere? Definitely awkward. Even for us who weren't directly embroiled can only force smiles and feign normalcy. Then again, how can it be we are not involved? We all are. We are a team, we should be, even if we are not. Disputes, misunderstandings, hurt, honesty, and fragility.

But I'm just glad to say, at least we all know the problem now. The end of a facade is the start of the willingness to accept, to change, and to forgive, right? I thank God throughout, he was able to promt me to do the right things and in this case, place me in the best possible position. For once, I didn't felt obliged to side one party. In fact, I think this drama brought me closer to them. Both sides. Apart from that, I managed to resolve issues between the 3 of them, and myself. It was... appeasing, and a relief. Although it comes with a price- the truth. The truth of what lies beneath all the suspicions, front, doubts and loneliness. Well, like they say, the truth always hurts. But along with it comes the healing, and the learning, and the accepting. Sometimes, we just have to learn the hard way. And it goes two ways. But it all turns out for the best, just like how God intends for us. :)

Haha yep, and I met Kemei after that for dinner near school. It was a delight. HAHA sounds like some desert lol lol. It really was just a pleasure to hang out with her, especially after a whole week of stress and fatigue due to the lack of sleep. I was simply burnt out, yet kept whole, because the Lord was sustaining me praise Him! :D Okay anyway, we talked about 4Maddies and our Cedar teachers and their adorable gestures and mainly, just reminiscing. During those few hours there... we just focused on being happy. And we were.

On a random note...Did I ever mentioned I love late night walks? HAHA, yeah I do.

Okay, when I board the bus back home, I saw someone whom I least expected to say the words which impacted me so much, not to mention change my whole mood from contentment to being driven, encouraged, and ultimately happy. He spurred me on without even knowing it. You know, it's nice being appreciated. It's like after all the tears and sweat, those years of trainings finally paid off, knowing that others recognise your abilities and your worth. And for that I thank God. For bringing hope into my life through the most unexpected people, and at the same time giving me the opportunity to start anew. I'm convicted of my flaws, and I'm guilty for being judgmental and unforgiving. I've always liked to think myself as otherwise. Well, who wouldn't? But search deep inside yourself and you'll find that horrible being. There's nothing you can do, but commit that ugly side of your self to the Lord and let Him take control. Pray He'll transform you into the person you know He wants you to be, filled with all grace and lovingkindness. :)

Before I slept, I logged onto facebook. And I received a message that was ever so invigorating. You know, my day could have stopped there, but it didn't. It got better with that sincere message that touched my heart with reasons I can't fathom. I'm thankful. And that was yesterday.

Now, let's rewind 4 hours back..

My brother walked into my room and showed me a few really fascinating photos which really surprised, and somewhat amused me. That, was the start of something different.. something sweet and full of grace. I can safely say for me, it was the close of an unpleasant memory which brought me much pain and unkindness. At least for a while back. But now, thank God He brought it to pass. He gave me a new love for them, for him. Then we went out to watch a movie with Lorencia and my mom. I ate dinner before my brother came home and suggested going out to eat, so when we went to Marche I just sat there and drink root beer while I see them dig into all the savoury good. :( HAHA but at that point of time I was too full to feel tempted. Oh well! All smiles.

The car ride back was as sweet as the car ride there. And my crazy brother was speeding home because he needed the toilet badly HAHA, and the wind blew at my face so strongly even while dozing off in the car I had difficulty breathing. LOL.

We always care. We always say we stop caring. But we don't. We never do. Because those are the people we love most. The people God placed in our life from the very start of it all. And they are the ones whom we can never walk away from. Sometimes we hate them. We think we hate them. But we don't. We only hate the fact that, despite how mean they can be sometimes, how uncaring or how hurtful their words and actions are, we can never stop loving them. Often, we are just too unforgiving to see it, too hurt to forget it. I told myself a couple of months ago, "I will forgive, and I know God wants me to. Just not yet, not now.."

But tonight is now. Tonight I know God answered my prayer.

Blessed are the hearts that can bend. They can never be broken.

Awake Is The New Sleep.

If yesterday I barely survived, today I definitely did.

We are 18 days into 2011, and there's still 300 odd more days. Not bad.

I was doing maths yesterday when I fell asleep and woke up only 4 hrs later, at 2am. Funny, I was still online. So, I logged out and went back to sleep thinking I could do the rest the next day(today). So I woke up happily intending to go for a run with Priya and Gen in school when Jia Ai called me and reminded me about GP MSA. And I totally forgot about it oh my goodness. Hahaha BUT I thank God so much because I managed to do last minute preparation during GP lecture and yeah to a certain extent (HUGE) it saved me. Or else, I would be staring at the 4 questions blankly, for 90mins. Seriously. Haha. And btw my mind went blank for 15mins before I started writing, and my 'very considerate classmates' just made it worse with annoying sound effects and murmurs. HAHA.

But anyway, because there was no training today, I was(still am) so gleeful LOL! And I just received a great news. Training is cancelled tomorrow yesssss! Well, but there's extra training on Friday so not much difference I guess. We just get to study more, so for that I shall be thankful, too. :} Yup so anyway ate lunch with Jia Ai in school before Nat joined us later on. And in the course I managed to finish my maths assignment while the guys were being their annoying usual self. Haha, Arvind and Andy refused to let my opinions on certain matters be valid, tsk such realistic and horrible people! But I got back at him after Jia Ai and I spotted an Andy lookalike HAHA :D And yeah, I miss that purple dinosaur so much, she lightens up the whole convo so easily and with her, there's always someone siding with me and against JA HEEHEE. Okay but we all had a great laugh. Oh, and the book signing haha :}

CSE MSA tomorrow, Econs and History on Thurs, Maths on Friday.

God keep me sane and give me strength! :)

Chase This Light

Once in a long while, we get happy days.

Today was one of them. Did I ever say how much I love Saturdays? Well I think there were better times, but I definitely want to thank God for bringing me such a wonderful Saturday again. You know, I always think it's the people that matters. You can be doing the same mundane tasks which are the most boring things on earth ever, or be going through the worst time of your life, or even be stranded on an island... but with the correct people, nothing else counts. :)

I like to blog about happy things. And I realised it's been quite some time since I did. Anyway, yesterday was God's way of granting me more rest, even though I had to bear with the pain in my head and the bad stomachache which were quite tormenting at certain periods. But thank God I'm feeling much better today, and was able to go for YF even though I have 5 tests next week, including GP! Boo :( I really dread school nowadays, but I shall not elaborate... why waste my wondrous weekends dwelling in miserable school days when I have the next five days to worry about them, and the next five, and the next, for the REST OF THE YEAR... HAHA, but then again, it actually isn't that bad. I guess only some aspects made me cringe at the thought of them, but I shall not name them here. Whatever befalls me, I have God.

SO ANYWAY, went for YF today and had the chance to catch up with a few people. I thank God for them, really, because they keep me sane in a world of madness. Haha, and on top of that, I managed to talk to some of the LTFers, especially the younger ones like Christine, Jamie, and it really brightens my mood up to just be around them. Hahaha, and no I'm not a pedophile thank you lol lol lol. Seriously kids cheer me up so easily, and I wonder why. Fascinating. Hmm, and spending time with Nadia was great too because it simply reminds me of the fact that I'm not alone and no matter how tough things are, WE are not alone. Yep, just makes me miss the December holidays more. Oh well, at least we HAD those beautiful experiences together! :}

Oh and for reasons I don't know, I think Caritas was really funny at the most unexpected times today. HAHA, like we were playing Mono deal and when one of us said something stupid and I turned to my left and look at her I just burst out laughing. I mean, totally ludicrous! LOL. Hmm what else, oh yeah and Huixian kept suaning me, but what's new... she's a traitor haha!! Oh and Nadia and I went to talk to Joel Lim about specific issues and we made him feel sucha horrible person bwahhaa, but he knows we truly care and that's alright I guess heeheehee!

You know, when you mix around more with the people you love, you start to want to cherish them more.. because somehow you know they are treasures in disguise. And at this instant I thought of a quote written by unknown. But I shall not put it down here because I'll definitely get arrowed at AGAIN! >:[

Okay 14 of us went to Quiznos at Square 2 to eat and it was really a fine dinner. Haha there was so much laughter I momentarily forgot about having to face all unpleasantness when the new week starts again, and thank God for that. :) DESPITE being mocked like there's no tomorrow, even though it's highly impossible since there will always be a tomorrow (for now) and I will always be the joke, I still enjoyed having fellowship with them. Haha, well I know they know deep deep deep down inside me I'm just the opposite from what they think I am. Hmm.. for example, I'm actually mature, sweet, smart, and so not a failure. Yep. LOL okay I'm dead if they see this hahahaha.

And so far I think I still have Nadia and Amoz on MY side. LOL. Haha, and I could have had Bob-my new friend- speaking up for me IF they had not turned him against me grrrr. Hahaha, evil friends. Oh and did I say, they used my name as a term for FAIL. HOW SAD IS THAT, as if my life isn't sad enough!!

It's okay, I shall forbear. HAHA!

HAHA. But truly, I thank God for showing such love and great mercy to me so undeserved. And I thank God for having them in my life. Well, let's just say they spice up my life teehee! :} Okay, so anyway I know I'll have to face the snares of the monster named "Hopeless" and "Spitefulness" when I go back to school on Monday, so I'm relying on God's strength to sustain me and help me through all of it. I pray the same for any of you who might be going through the exact horrible things and are desperately clinging to hope. God's hope.

Because God is love, the most important lesson He wants you to learn on
earth is how to love.
- Rick Warren

Let It Happen

And so as much as the road ahead will be rough and rocky, uncertain and testing, I'm not gonna let all world's pessimists win. I will stay strong and press toward the mark, just like what God desires for all His children.

I can't change the things that happen, we all can't. But we can change and decide how we wanna react to it. So, let them happen and let us live by faith.

"Let us then ascribe the whole work of grace to the pleasure of God's will.
God did not choose us because we were worthy, but by choosing us He makes us
worthy." ~ Thomas Watson

Highlight of the day: I played Volleyball with the Volleyballers and almost wished I joined Volleyball instead of Basketball. For all sorts of reasons. :)

LOL. But if I did, maybe things would be different, too. Strange things in life huh? But in any case, I'm really beat from being so occupied the whole day, without proper rest at all. I kinda, really, miss my December holidays. Or how about my November, staying-home-to-chill-moments? Sigh, because yeah there's always a time for everything. Now's the time for diligence and as disgusting as it sounds, we just gotta submit ourselves to discipline and the willpower to do the right things, at the right time. Well, the Lord gives us rest and He will restore us.

Run, and not be weary.

The Game Must Go On

"There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment who will you be? Will you let down your defenses, and find solace in someone unexpected? Will you reach out? Will you face your greatest fear bravely? And move forward with faith. Or will you succumb to the darkness in your soul?"

I'm so tired of constantly trying, and failing. At times like these, I'm so tempted to join the crowd and complain about life. But I can't and I won't. Because I have my Lord and I know He provides. I can repeat this forever but the meaning these words hold never diminishes or lessens by the day. If anything, God's promises should seem more and more real every moment.

Trust not in man but in God. See, isn't this exactly the reason why we always tend to get hurt by people whom we trusted in so much but turned out to be on the other side of the door, opposite from us? We were only told to trust, and have faith, in the Almighty Father, our Saviour and Lord. And yes, nobody ever said it was gonna be easy. God never said it'd be easy. But it will be if we rely on His strength. And so that's my prayer for a long time to come.

As for the people not worth holding on to, you should let them go and not feel any tinge of sadness for it's just pure foolishness. And pause for a while, slow down, and rush not into anger or vengeance. Payback's not in our hands. Don't be so eager to prove them wrong. Remember, you have God.

"When life comes rushing at you from our of the darkness, who will you choose to face it with? Will it be someone you trust? Will they be wise? And will their love for you help them to guide you to the light? Or will they lose their way in the darkness? Will they make noble choices? Or will that person be someone untested, someone new? Life comes rushing at you from out of the darkness, when it does -- is there someone in your life you can count on? Someone who will watch over you when you stumble and fall? And in that moment, give you the strength to face your fears alone?"

I've Got Dreams to Remember

"At this moment there are six billion, five hundred and two million, eight hundred and sixty seven thousand, one hundred and twenty people in the world, give or take a few and sometimes all you need is one. For better or for worse."

We always fail to appreciate and grasp on tight to the things and people always there for us, and those are what truly matter. We keep looking past that to something that may seem more posh, and unattainable from where we stand. The more we want it, the further away we are from it, the greater our desire and drive to work towards it. We now have a reason to push ourselves, even when times are difficult.. because we tell ourselves one day, just one day, we'll get there. But you know, there's no need for all that. Futile attempts and superfluous efforts are not what God wants for us. We don't need to rely on ourselves. We don't dream to live or live to dream. We just have them. And if those dreams are not in God's plans for us, then we just gotta dream bigger. Because, God's will for us is definitely greater. Majestic, wonderful.

But then, I know for now, I do have dreams. Dreams that are so beautiful, and I pray one day I'll fulfill them, if they are God's will for me. If not, at least I dreamt.

These few days had me hanging by a thread. Although I know things will be reconciled eventually, I just thank God for the support He provided me with. Haha, the few of them know who they are! And even though they couldn't do much for me, face it because we all have our own problems :( but, knowing that they care and they are praying for me made me feel a whole lot better. Still, I wish for more happy days to come. I know it'd have to start with myself. More of others, less of myself. More humility, less pride. More forgiveness, less resentment.

Okay so happy things!

MY DREAMS(THE LIST; not according to importance):
1. Travel the world.
2. Open an orphanage.
3. Have a mini library in my future home!
.
.
.


Heehee yeppppp. Anyway, I know I posted this picture on my tumblr but... I can't resist it hahaha!

Jake Jagielski from One Tree Hill!
(DREAM GUY TTM)

I totally love his character in that show. Seriously, I doubt I'll meet someone AS SWEET AS HIM. :( HAHA okay I don't mean it that way, I know my friends are really sweet and all but, well... it's different. You know what I mean teehee! :} His love for Peyton... awww. Even when he knew she truly loves Lucas, he still loved her with a heart like that. Okay, just all in all, I LOVE HIS CHARACTER. And him haha! Sigh, why can't he continue acting through the rest of seasons 4,5,6,7,8... if he did, I'll probably watch all the way. Haha, and now that Peyton still likes Lucas I foresee a NO-happy ending just yet. And Lucas is not gonna act in Season 8? Oh man. Which means, Brooke is not gonna end up with him. Sighhhhh. Why can't Peyton stick to JAKE(awwww!) and Lucas BE with Brooke. HAHAHA okay I'm gonna stop harping on it kkkkk. Enough is enough lol lol lol.

Fernando Torres is a whole other story. He's still in my heart, although this season has been a tragedy for him :( Love him still! Liverpool, it's not over yet I don't care.

Someone once told me, there's nothing wrong with fairytales because they always have happy endings. But sometimes, that's the problem. Life is not like that.

A Multitude of Casualties

"Stepping up. It's a simple concept. It basically means to rise above yourself; to do a little more, to show you something special. Life's funny sometimes; can push pretty hard like when you fall in love with someone but they forget to love you back, like when your best friend and your boyfriend leave you alone, like when you pull the trigger or light the flame and you can't take it back.

"You know it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they're happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted and it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you've realized how wrong you've been that you realized how much you need it, how much you love it.

You ever heard the expression 'The best things in live are free.' Well that expression is true. Every once in a while, people step up they rise above themselves sometimes they surprise you and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard but if you look close enough, you can find hope in the words of children, in the bars of the song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back."

It's never easy to forgive, to truly forgive. It takes so much courage and determination. Forgiveness is never a one time thing. It's an ongoing process that takes place every day and moment of your life. And for me, I know I cannot possibly do it without God's help. It's too hard, and I have too much pride in me. And life too, it's never easy. But I feel that life is beautiful. We just fail to look past our own misery and pain. We always choose to dwell in sorrow, because actually doing something to salvage the situation forces us to face reality and it makes us learn, sometimes the hard way.

One of the Bible verses that never fails to encourage me to not be caught up in the people and things happening on this earth...

"Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away."
James 4:14

And of course this, too.

Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world. But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.
1 Peter 5:6-10

The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

People always leave. And no matter how good their reasons are, it all hurts the same.

I think people believe what they want to, and so whatever disappointments they may feel are actually self inflicted. There's no one to blame, no one but ourselves.

I keep trusting, but in the end all that's left of me is vulnerability and foolishness, the emptiness in me which never fails to whisper, "you are so dumb". So I start to wonder, when people say they care, do they only at that very instant when curiosity overwhelms genuine concern and it's kinda entertaining to see you struggling? And when all is said and done, they just walk away and leave you standing there all by yourself, feeling colder than ever, more lost than you ever could be.

First Day on a Brand New Planet

Haha I like this photo! :) HAHA JOSIAH TAN ACT CUTE!


Pretty photo!

Forced Deal. Sly Deal. Deal breaker. JUST SAY NO!

Caritas and Mel, hahaha GREEN like how C'tas loves it!

Hahaha. Okay here's the story: this was the ideal photo Josiah wanted...

And on the first try, the photo turned out like that! (Tim Loe blocked Joshua Chia out completely hahaha) So original huh teehee! :}

NADIA!

This was last year, the last day of 2010... which was just 24hrs ago? Yepppp! :} I don't know for the others but it totally felt like Christmas for me! Haha. Anyway, we photo spammed after Watchnight Service, and went to Sandra's house to hang out after that. I really had fun and even though my parents didn't allow me to stay over, I only went back around 3am going 4am. HAHA, and surprisingly they didn't say anything.. so good for me! Maybe I should just have taken both JoshuaS' advice and stayed there until 7am before leaving. HAHA kiddingggggg! Yeah although my throat is experiencing the after effects of explosion from too much junk food, I'm grateful to have spent my last and first day of 2010 and 2011 respectively with such wonderful friends. Thank God! I pray the year 2011 will just be another affirmation of God's love and bountiful grace for us.

It was a remarkable day for me, definitely. You know, it's comforting to know you have genuine friends who are there when you need them to, especially so when you see them finding time just for you. When you know you have friends like that, hold on to them tight. Because they are God's way of telling you He cares for you and He loves you.

But then again, like man, I'm afraid of being vulnerable. I'm scared of needing someone too much, too often. I'm scared of relying too much on someone and realise in the end we are left alone. I'm scared of seeing people leave and never come back into my heart. I'm scared of betrayal and superficials. I'm scared of trusting and cherishing, but at the same time I'm scared of losing them and regretting. Where do we draw the line? How do I know when I'm reading too much into it? I guess that's when we try to be still and let God take the wheel.

I was looking through some of the photographs I developed today, and something someone said today came into my mind. Instantly my heart beat and it all came back to me. It was never over. My heart sank knowing that's all that can ever be. The wrong idea.

Okokokok. This is NOT an emo post bwahaha. I shall place my hope in the Lord and embrace 2011 with a benign attitude. :)

Blessed New Year 2011 everyone!

"Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone. And do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering."

Be Still; The Tide That Left and Never Came Back

You cannot run away from weakness.

I kinda felt YF camp went by really fast this year. Or maybe it's just me. But either way, I thank God for this episode of my December 2010. Even though the camp theme was Be Still, I couldn't find myself at peace throughout the camp. But I still learnt, and am thankful for that. And I'm convicted by how I've conformed to the normal ways of this world, how easily I've swayed in my Christian walk. It wasn't a pleasant feeling to be admonished like that, but I thank God because as I was telling someone yesterday, there are always learning lessons to be taken away. In this case, I learn the hard way. Forgiveness. I daresay I'm guilty of one of those people who claim to forgive, yet obstinately cling on to all the bitterness and hurt others may have caused me. Who can really say they are gracious enough to forgive without remembering the price that comes along with it? I marvel at the Lord's mercy and grace. Praise God!

Anyway, apart from the messages, devotions, discussions and workshop, I guess what struck me most were the struggles I see some of my friends going through, as well as their reaction to it. Really, when you step outside yourself, and see them for who they are, you start to see their real selves. And whether you like what you see of them, that's besides the point because the people and their lives don't change to suit your needs. God made them that way, we can choose to accept them, or not. We can choose to learn from them, or not. We can choose to love them, or not. But I'm truly thankful, because God gave me the opportunity to know so many more people on a deeper level, and He gave me the desire to love them. Maybe that's because they by themselves are lovable, or maybe not. But either way, I know I care a lot for them. And that's why I'm so burdened by their burdens, so troubled by their troubles. Of course, when I said I felt no peace, I know it's because I kept it all to myself- all my disappointments, all my bewilderment and uncertainty, all my pain and anguish. Talking to Aaron on the last night was really God's way of speaking to me, and of course His soft prompting to find refuge nowhere but in Christ. I thank God for the talk was totally unintended, but apt and timely.

Okay. I have to say that this year's games were gratifying, the spiritual lessons behind them were appropriate. Hmm.. of all the games, I guess I like reverse whacko the best teehee! Hahaha it was hilarious and I didn't expect myself to get targeted at but then again, it's all in the name of fun! The 'dirty' games were fun too, especially the bowling station reallyyyyy cooool. Thank you games comm! :}

Haha, like I said, I'm glad to have grown closer to most people. Even if it means I'm always the joke, which can at times make it difficult to get my point across 'cause nobody takes me seriously!!! :((( Thanks to Tim Loe, Josiah Tan, Caritas AND HUIXIAN! Hahaa, sLim was nice enough to 'be cool' and not add fuel to the fire, good friend! HAHA. Okay and you know how they say things spread really fast, especially awful things. I shall not specify what because that will only encourage more people to suan me -.- HAHA AND PS, THIS IS NOT A FAIL BLOG! LOL so other than the above people, there are Mel Loe, Stella, Eunice, Aaron, Josiah Seah, Joanne, NADIA (even though she only came for one day) and TAB LEE (hahaha thankfully we DID spent time, even though it was lesser than I expected :(( ). Oh on the last night we had STEAMBOAT which was really NOT BAD AT ALL, thank God! Haha most of the J1s came and I'm really glad because we get to catch up, even if just for a while. And Rachel was sick yet so hilarious that day Tab and I can't stop laughing! She was practically commenting on the size and shape of a grape with a totally dreamy expression. Okay, maybe it's the medication HAHA.

Yup there are many others I'm really glad I got to know and talk to too, and I guess it really was a great way to end off the year 2010 with a God-given blessing like this. For the record, the start of 2011 wasn't too bad as well! In fact, I would say, awesome! But then again, it's how we finish it that matters, no?

Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

Psalms 46:10