Eye Candy Eye Candy Eye

HEEHEEHEHEHE KEVIN CHENG.

Haha just for me. :*

And Liza introduced me to this new drama "Startling by Each Step" aka bu bu jing xin and it's superrrrr nice!! He's so sweet, but poor Kevin :'(((((((( That being said, I still really like the other main lead a lot, hehh uber cute! Character wise. Okokokok now, back to being sane.

Aiya okay, just saying............the sad part made me feel so depressed for an entire day, and the thought of it still gets me brawling. >:{

PS, Btw, I've always thought that Kevin Cheng and Paul Walker from Fast and Furious looks really alike bwahaha. Love ttm!

Right then, it's not over yet

I have an intense (really-mega-huge-super-big) desire to travel now, the thought of it drives me crazy. I'd do anything to experience horse-riding in Jeju (or anywhere else for that matter) againnnnn. And the remedy it has on troubled-and-on-the-verge-of-going-mentally-ill people, incredibly effective! Doesn't matter every meal has kimchi I'll gladly accept it as long as I get to embrace the cool -okay,freezing- weather Singapore will probably never have, and go anywhere everywhere without all kinds of worries and unpleasant moments so rampant back at home.

AND I CAN'T WAIT TO GO BARCA WITH LYNNIE (although nothing's concrete now... but still!!!) hahaha and maybe Ireland and New Zealand in a separate trip. Ohh and nearby countries like Taiwan for the fact that I've never been there before haha!

Hee on a different note, class gathering wasn't exactly CLASS gathering, but I guess it was still kinda fun one way or the other. Hahaha, Taboo was hilarious!! (even though some people just can't get the hang of it hahahhaa....) And yes JA I'm really glad spending the entire evening with you even though my whole body was so "problematic" (like you always claim haha) Really, I'm happy that we managed to do some catching up! And no I don't think too much I don't care. You don't know how moved I was by your long and sweet text teehee. :') Oh and likewise, I'm lazy to upload the photos so... till then! :}

Dragged myself to work today for the same simple reason that we all hate waking up early in the morning at a time we know our body craves sleep the most. Haha, but oh well the kids make everything worthwhile! Shall upload the pictures another time tooooo. Ashton Boo is like a young old man superrrrr cute. Okay gonna spend the remaining weeks working there relieving my childhood days while I can and enjoy every minute of it so I don't regret! :)

Ohnonono each time I watch Kevin Cheng's shows I just fall in love with him even more ahrebwhjd183eudhdnweqdzzqwdhiuwhdzzzzzzzawwwwwwwww love love love him!!! Haha he's like this super handsome guy who never grows old. :') (PLEASE DON'T MENTION THE WORD BOTOX.................:/ LOL)

Adios!

I'm sure we'll grow but we'll never bloom again

The first picture is weirdly beautiful and I absolutely love it. Somehow to me it conveys a million stories one cannot tell at first glance. Bitterly, refreshingly, touchingly pretty.

Though you're near you're far away/

Partly here, partly gone

It pains me to look back on the good times considering the fact that we may never experience them once again. What bothers me more is the geniality of it all and at the same time, the frailty that human relationships are so susceptible to.

Maybe it doesn't even boil down to blame, but as some say, the expectations and overly high confidence one has which inevitably lead to all kinds of heartaches.

I wonder where we would end up/

If we could start again

Little Talks

Hey! Hey! Hey!
I don't like walking around this old and empty house
So hold my hand, I'll walk with you my dear
The stairs creak as I sleep, it's keeping me awake
It's the house telling you to close your eyes

Some days I can't even trust myself
It's killing me to see you this way

'Cause though the truth may vary
This ship will carry
Our bodies safe to shore

Hey! Hey! Hey!
There's an old voice in my head that's holding me back
I tell her that I miss our little talks
Soon it will all be over, buried with our past
You used to play outside when you were young,
Full of life and full of love

Some days I feel like I am wrong and I am right
Your mind is playing tricks on you my dear

'Cause though the truth may vary
This ship will carry
Our bodies safe to shore

Hey!
Don't listen to a word I say
Hey!
The screams all sound the same
Hey!

'Cause though the truth may vary
This ship will carry
Our bodies safe to shore

Go go go away
I wish you'd disappear
All that's left is a ghost of you
Now we're torn torn torn apart, there's nothing we can do
Just let me go, me against you
Now wait wait wait for me
Please hang around
I see you when I fall asleep

-Of Monsters and Men

Leaving Town Alive

Whisper in the ways
Watching days and moving on
You wake up every Monday then suddenly it’s Sunday
And the week is gone
So till the morning breaks
Go and make your mistakes
Don’t be surprised at the sunrise
Life is for the living, the forgiven and for leaving town alive

Oh, do you wonder where it starts
Where it ends
What you find around the bend
Oh, do you wonder where she’s from
Where she goes
No one knows
Now and then you wonder

-Bethany Joy Lenz

Put me under the running water.

My day was awesome and excitingly engaging. Satisfying even, as much as I was feeling so drained... until. I think I really need a long nice shower right now, doesn't even matter if it's a hot or cold one. I just need to be free from thinking at all. 'Cause at this very moment I just feel downright jaded and crappy. Think the word's more like exasperated.

Don't get me mistaken, the day was incredible for the most part. Haha, especially spending time with the kids, and after when I go for the class I'm falling in love with even more after each lesson. :)

Well the rest was just blah. Funny how I can be so affected over one thing or person... maybe it's a good thing because it shows I still care. Then again, it gets tiring always having to pretend everything's okay knowing it's all a wreck and I'm the only one dealing with it. Okay sounds like the problem lies with me. Oh blah. We just gotta accept the fact that sometimes we live not for others to understand us, but to understand ourselves better. Either way don't forget God is in the picture.

The beauty of it all from within.

"Anyone can love a rose but it takes a great deal to love a leaf. It's ordinary to love the beautiful, but it is beautiful to love the ordinary."

After more than a week of working at Marymount, I feel like I'm already learning more than I am when I simply go through the motions of life. There's sacrifice of much time and energy, and there's tolerance, but most of all there's humility and we get to reap invaluable rewards that cannot be replaced with money. (haha of course, money itself is still important, but that's besides the point and i'm convinced that it shouldn't be my focus this entire holiday. end of story) I got reminded of the purity and innocence we all as children used to have, the big and open hearts that we carry with us when we face other people- no motives or expectations, the simple reason why we give and share- to see the smiles and joy on the faces of our loved ones and friends. It's funny how time and harshness of the world gradually shape us into more capable, intelligent and attractive people on the outside, yet we are all dying inside. We become more scheming, more materialistic, more calculative, and more self-centred, thinking that the word revolves around us... The pride of life.

Then again, even at such young age, you see children fighting among themselves for toys, pinching each other out of anger, craving for the teacher's attention, and not confessing to their mistakes.. all these perhaps just show us how sinful we all are, even as young children. The human nature that comes innately, so broken and warped, incomparable to God's standard and His righteousness, exists in all men. And that is exactly why we need God.

OKAY ON A LIGHTER NOTE, I really felt so welcomed on Thursday when they had staff meeting and all of them were so warm in receiving me hahaha. The teacher I was attached to -thank God- loves me and that makes work so much more enjoyable! I didn't know Kindergarten teachers can be so hilarious- even during meetings haha. The Chinese teacher who used to teach me when I was studying there 12 years ago still remembers me hahaha and I was so embarrassed when she recounted some incidents that happened back then. For instance, translated from Chinese, she remembers me as the girl who was "round and fat" (hopefully not anymore since she didn't recognise me at sight HAHA!) and always "clings onto her side" haha omgggggg! But all in all being back there 12 years later really feels like home hehh. :')

I'M IN LOVE with this little boy called Darius. Heehee! His dimples are so lovely and he has the kindest heart. He'll always be the one queuing up last because he'll stay back and help me push in the chairs and keep the toys AND MAINLY TO WAIT FOR ME TO HOLD HIS HAND teehee. He told me he had a present for this friend of his because he wants her to be happier in school (or in his words, "more happy") haha. He stroked the shoulders of this girl who burst out crying while waiting for the school bus and said "it's okay don't cry". He so willingly held the hand of this boy that nobody wants to partner in class. He always says "thank you" with a bright smile and happy voice. But most of all he protects me from the chameleon by running to me and holding my hand bwahaha! Heart melts.

Then there's this boy Lucas who looks exactly like Trevor from FEK. The first time I saw him I just wanted to go over and give him a hug hehehee! Heidi the sweetest girl with a kind smile looks absolutely cute when she goes into a world of her own and hums a tune I don't know of. Everytime I turn and she silently stands behind me waiting with her big lovely eyes and small smile, my heart softens and I just wanna carry her home hehh. And Adelle without her two front teeth looking exactly like the most adorable vampire haha. Love it when she runs and bang into me whenever she gives me a hug. :} Then there's Andrea who said "you're my favourite girl" and dances so well to the music I can't help but to lighten up every single time. Oh, my days will definitely not be boring as long as I'm with them. :)

9.40pm

I just came back from eating dinner with my mom, my brother, and Lorencia and it was the best meal I've eaten in a while because well, what beats eating with family in a such peaceful yet spirited manner? Hahaha :') We have all come a long way. If only the days ahead are filled with moments like these! For now, I really can't ask for more...

I was telling them all about the little kids at Marymount and some of the jocular incidents and we all had a good laugh haha. My brother was like "so tomorrow you gotta go school?" and I was like "uhh no... it's Sunday leh" His response was, "yeah what, sunday school?" HAHA win.

And teach them all to sing along;

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died

Nickelback oh yeahh :)

Worked down to the last of my muscles (hahahhaaha!)

I'm exhausted, but extremely thankful for yet another day filled with God's goodness to me. Alright more tomorrow, I changed my mind because there's so much to recount and give thanks for, and not surprisingly I'm gonna crash soon!

And if we are finding us,

Hi Lee JA,

I LOVE the third picture because it's one of the VERY FEW photos that actually capture what you REALLY are like- spastic. I believe that's something few would expect when they first see you simply since you always seem so prim and proper. Untrue. Hahaha seriously, I love how you just crack me (and the other Cereal Killers) up. I mean, your kind of humour is one of a kind and it beats mine in many ways on different levels. I think we have telepathy or something because I've been wanting to post this but aha well due to fatigue, this BB needs rest and lots of them... thus the procrastination. I never thought I'd say this (ah who am I kidding), but I miss you surprisingly more than I thought I would. :( Okay maybe it wasn't so long a period of time in actual terms, but few weeks of not seeing you is really NOT the norm because we used to almost see each other everyday! Hmm, I'm starting to feel like I'm seeing less of you now that A's are over. Haha, but I won't fret cos I know you'd scold me for doing that, and I know now I have absolutely no reason too because what we have will only translate into a closer and stronger friendship as we break into the new year and many years after that. You better not doubt that too. You know, these couple of days working at the kindergarten have been so fulfilling and filled with never-ending happenings that I always almost want to share with you first moment (because I know you'll share the exact same sentiments as me heehee) but can't, cos we are both working (and you for many hours after I knock off) SIGH. I just hope I retain all that I wanna tell you and spam you with those hilarious and heart-warming moments I encounter(ed) by then. And on a heavier note...... PLEASE DON'T OVERWORK YOURSELF TYVM. REMEMBER TO EAT AND TAKE A BREAK AND TEXT ME. HAHA, I LOVE YOU SBB. :}

-With much love and annoyance at your packed schedule.

"The friendship that can cease has never been real."

Ours was and is. :)

To Kill a Mocking Girl

Hooked onto Pretty Little Liars, loving it! Haha, but the suspense is killing me and so I hate it. Ironic much? But anyway...CAN WE JUST KNOW WHO "A" IS ALREADY??? AND WHO THE MURDERER(S) ARE............ Yeah kinda angsty but that's what thrillers do to people HAHA. Ok I'm keeping my cool. :)

I started work on Friday (finally), and went for this lesson at night which I actually thoroughly enjoyed eventually. That being said, the beginning was definitely nerve-wrecking and trust me I wanted to escape the class before it started. But it wasn't too bad after all hahaha. It was a completely fulfilling day and it worked me down to the last bit heehee. Ended the day with dinner @ HK Cafe with Fishball and Hx, and I was so not unglam! Accidents happen when you have food in your mouth and your friends make you laugh, okay? That's all. :)

My body was aching like mad haha but I felt so accomplished. Looking forward to work tomorrow as well as the next few classes sometime in the week!

Lunch with church friends at 313 today and hahahaha hmm well... it was interesting haha. Funny at points of time, when the joke is NOT me or on me hahah. LOL. So anywayyyy, Ryan and Ian sent JC and me home heehee thanks guys! On a side note, yeah I think I ought to give better directions! :/

It's not easy to find friends whom you know will stick with you through thick and thin, friends who will gladly take up your burden and can whom you can withstand the test of time together, friends you'll continually grow close to. It's even harder if to find friends which fit into all of these criteria. But when you do, remember to thank God! And if you don't, pray for friends like these because these are friends you can keep for life and depend on with all your life. :)

I don't know what's ahead of me, but for everything God has blessed me with, I'm grateful and will eternally be indebted to Him.

& Hey, thanks for offering to listen, for actually listening and offering sound advice, and even for being willing to share the burden with me.

Okay gonna go REST NOW. It's gonna be a long Monday! Hmm.. God willing, I really hope the interview tomorrow night will turn out successful! So anyway yep prayerfully the second and following days of work at Marymount will be as pleasant and enriching as the first! The Kindergarten kids are SO cute, and really sweet. Haha I wouldn't mind having the kids protecting me from chameleons by gripping my hand tightly!

Adios! :)

Bankruptcy of a soul that expands too much in hope and expectation-

Disheartened, disappointed, disgusted.


“She wanted none of those days to end, and it was always with disappointment that she watched the darkness stride forward. ”

Moves like Jagger

HEY KHO BY RUIMINK,

YOU LOOK LIKE A CUTE MONSTER HERE.

Nah, you know it's a compliment cos you're like a coooooool heehee! Anyway it's almost a week since you turned EIGHTEEN and better late than never but HI QUICK GO TAKE DRIVING LESSONS WITH ME. :) It's a pity we didn't get to spend your 18th birthday together because you were on the plane back and I was still in the midst of camp haha. But, I hope the heels were good company! Rock on I love you! Strictly as BBFFs- hahaha Beard Papa Kho.

"Strange, what brings these past things so vividly back to us, sometimes."

Everything In Transit

It's always better to look at the irreproachable side of a person, but what happens when that just gives you one more chance to feel disconcerted in the existence of compassion because you realise they are totally far from that? It's mediocre. Why do people always think of themselves first? Even perhaps, the friends around us. I don't dare say I'm not one of them, because man is after all, sinful. I just don't want to be part of this group of uncaring, fake human race. And I know with God will empower me to the right things, simply because God is love. While these people, just want love without knowing or wanting to love.

To love or to be loved? Someone asked me this last night. Just a simple question, but it evoked thoughts from the past. I discovered for myself, it is happier to be loved -perhaps the happiest feeling in the world- but more blessed to love. But then again, who wouldn't want to be loved?

What do you want most in your life right now? Answers, maybe.

Stay away from all that remove God's first place in your heart.

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It's yours."
-Ayn Rand, from Atlas Shrugged

This was what I posted slightly more than a year ago... and WOW. Haha, I totally forgot about it, yet when I read through these lines of probably really heartfelt thoughts, it evoked the essential nature in me and those turmoils tossing in my mind back then was indistinguishably called to memory. Perhaps this is exactly the reason why people want to keep a diary. For the simple assurance that they'll never lose any part of themselves, even if those experiences were at one point in time or another hidden away and banished from their everyday lives.

Maybe I'm slightly late but...

2012

May the Lord bless the New year and all that comes with it!

Praying for tomorrow, oh yes I'm praying hard. :)

When will I be enough?

I hate seeing people pulling away from each other in different directions, yet I have no idea how to stop it. And everything I do seems to be making it worse. Maybe it's God way of telling me I'll never be enough as long as I rely on myself..

I feel like I'm screaming at the top of my lungs but no one can hear.

I need a breather, away from everything and everyone.

I gotta take a step back, cool down, and look at the bigger picture... and maybe see that those days and nights were nothing but days and nights. Even so, I'm so sick of all that is uncalled for, all that is redundant, all that is upsetting to the souls and unhealthy for the minds. They can continue walking I'll just turn and walk the other way for now!

Thank God for seeing me through December, for seeing me through Christmas, YF Camp, and for the entire year of 2011. The gratitude is unutterable but nevertheless deep rooted down in my heart. The dearest and best God of the whole world and universe, the One i can always lean back on and look to in the most despondent of times. YF camp 2011 brought me a mixture of so many feelings that I had to go through all at once... it was awakening.