I BLEED RED, LIVERPOOL RED.

And all I want to do now is to go back and actually watch the Champions League Finals between Liverpool and A.C. Milan, when I was 11.

Yesterday I blogged on tumblr, with much heartfelt thoughts, about Liverpool and all the players who were once in the club, thinking that will make me feel better. Turns out it only makes me miss the whole experience all over again. Hahaha maybe that's because I've been so deprived of my weekly dose of soccer matces..

Yeah truth be told, knowing of how much Xabi still loves -and always had- Liverpool makes his presence all the more missed :( But I respect him for such love and loyalty, it's just heartwarming! And today, I thought of Fernando Torres and can't help but to feel deranged all over again. Haha, honestly, I think there will always be a part of me that can't let him go(from LFC). I'm not gonna bother about the critcis, and just constantly remind myself of his contributions to Liverpool and how commendable his achievements are. BUT STILL. SIGH

Torres gave an interview, telling of his favourite game watched. And guess what? It was the Champions League Finals played between Liverpool and AC Milan in 2005. Torres wasn't even in the club yet.

When Liverpool travelled to Istanbul in 2005 for the Champions League Final,
after securing their place due to the fabled phantom goal against Chelsea, no
one expected the dramatic game that followed.

The English side succumbed
to a powerful first-half performance. It took only a minute for AC Milan to take
the lead, courtesy of Paulo Maldini. Then a Hernan Crespo brace before the break
seemingly put the game beyond reach for the Liverpool outfit.

But the
side pulled off one of football's most memorable comebacks, with Steven Gerrard
rallying the side with a goal in the 54th minute. The strike started a
seven-minute comeback which saw Vladimir Smicer find the net before Xabi Alonso
equalised from the penalty spot in the 59th minute.

The nail-biting
encounter then remained goalless and it went to a penalty shoot-out to decide
the winner, which the club he would later join won 3-2.

“The Champions
League Final, seven years ago, Liverpool against AC Milan, is what football is
all about,” says Torres.

“All that passion and it showed how one team
can come back from 3-0 down at half-time and win the game. It's was a very
important match, not just for the teams involved but for the fans also. That
game is a good highlight of what football means,” adds the Spaniard.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I still believe LFC holds a special place in his heart despite what everyone else say! Okay. Haha time to move on, I've got more important things at hand right now! >:{

Almost Pretty.

Haha yes, SYMBOLLIC YOZ. LOL. This marks the start of something new, something almost pleasant. I hope all my past regrets and follies are gone with the wind(nah, I meant, hair.) today. Yep haha!

Almost ugly, almost pretty. Oh well, what's the diff, seriously? For now, nobody's opinions should matter that much. I have no one to please, I shouldn't have. Seriously, it's just hair okay!? Okay. I think I meant it figuratively. Hahaha I'm told how unfathomable I am.. and last time I would feel apprehensive over being such an intricacy, but now, I'm just me. And, I think there's nothing wrong with it at all. I have God. So that's alright. Paradox then shall I be. :)

Last night, I went to send my cousin off to the USA for 6 weeks of study exchange. Going to the airport brings so much memories, hopes, and dreams back. It was almost overwhelming. I wish I had what I wish. But then, I keep reminding myself, the life God has for me, is and should be all that I yearn.

Hey, I know you care for me. And so how could I not know your well intentions -presumably genuine- for me? But you don't know the struggles I'm going through... and I probably wouldn't be able to convey those words I know can never be able to reach you in my whole lifetime.

When you brush your teeth, I'll squeeze the toothpaste.

What do you feel when we are together?

Hope.

Everyone is fighting their own battle.
To be free from the past.
To live in their present.
And to create their future.

So have heart.

So BT2 has officially started. GP Paper 1 today just murdered all my efforts in preparing. Haha, none of which came out. Spells trouble :(

Praying for added strength and discipline to study. Great I'm looking forward to becoming a nerd. Hahahah, I rather be a nerd and study hard for the remaining few months than to be a cool kid who can't score well for everything nahhhh. I'm actually erm, kidding.

I wanna be a cool kid who studies hard and do well! LOL. But then again that's not up to me to say hehh.. sooo I'm gonna do my best and leave the rest to God. :)

Cheers! :B



And I wonder why it all comes back to me again. Every time I'm convinced it's over and done with, something hits me and I feel that same ache again. But you know what the good news is? I think I'm becoming indifferent, and tired, sick of trying to be perfect in your eyes. It's almost impossible and pointless, so maybe I've finally looked beyond this superficiality. Thanks for this lesson you've given me, it will be unforgettable. It has proven to be anyway.

So I'll stick to simple tunes and stupid jokes, until the day comes when I find you. And when you come along I'll find the mark that symbolises a past that is insignificant, and that future encompassing everything dear to my heart, even the littlest things. This time when I brush my teeth, you'll squeeze the toothpaste. :}

For tonight is mere formality.

I am and will always be indebted to you.

But that, and trust, will nevertheless be different. They are two different matters and as much as I would like to feign ignorance, I can't. I merely pray each and every one of us in this tragedy will finally move on one day after all these years. Right now, everyone is fighting their own battle. Everyone is fighting and everyone is hurting. I'm treading on thin ice, but this gratitude... I owe it to you. I'll remember every bit that you've done and repay them in due time. God be my witness.

Ok, on another note.

Happy stories always come with a price. So for now let's just leave things simple. I'm too tired to risk losing my heart.

Simplicity is beauty.

The truth is, everyone's changing everyday.

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can

You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
Soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
'Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

"You don't realise how much you've changed until you realise how different other people treats you."

I was impelled to ponder over the possibility that maybe, I really changed. And I don't know why but I don't settle well with it. Maybe that's because somewhere deep down I know if really I did, the implications would be hard to swallow. It's hard to part with who I used to be. By that, I meant just a year or two ago. No words can express the how lost I felt today, but thankfully it was just for that fraction of a second -maybe minutes- and I got a grip on myself. I know I'm alright, and I'm gonna survive!

You know, there's nothing wrong with honesty, really. True friends with genuine advice and concern is far more valuable than a hypocritical cajoler. I think we are all trying not to fall into the latter category.

So hey, thanks. :)

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."
Proverbs 27:6

It's always the same constant change.

As your tears fall to the snow
We both know
That tonight I can't say that I'll come back to you someday

When the night falls, and reality dawns upon you, and you realise that there's nobody to fall back on, nobody to cry to, nobody to smile for, you cease to be hopeful. But it's not easy to stand alone and be at peace with yourself. No matter how hard you might have tried to convince yourself otherwise, and pretend to be okay with it all, you know deep down you are anything but okay. You just feel swallowed and overwhelmed with emptiness and despondency.

I blame myself for being too close for comfort. I never stop being a fool. In fact, I'm constantly acting like one. Change is but a constant, I can't do it. This time, can I?


There's so many people, yet so few of them. Who can see me, and who can hear me?

Let there be morning.

Let the sun rise,
let the birds sing,
let there be light,
let there be morning.

The first thing you gotta do, is wake up.

Did I mention how I love my weekends? Whatever I'm given, whatever I have, it's all God's grace. So praise God for even the smallest, littlest things happening in my life! Even though I'm drowning in a pile of work and I'm struggling to cope with the pace at school, I'm still surviving and so I should be thankful. Haha, going to church, talking to the friends, even for the shortest amount of time, is enough to enliven the mood and help me focus on happier things! Bliss. :}

Then that familiar, dreadful thought came to mind. Don't take momentary feelings too seriously. Don't let yourself free completely. Don't think excessively. Just, don't. Take it one step at a time, and submit to God's will. Be thankful for whatever you are given, whatever you have. But don't want more than you already do.

“You don’t get to take any of it with you.”

Life Is Short.

Sometimes when you're young, you think nothing can hurt you. It's like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you, and you have big plans. Big plans. To find your perfect match. The one that completes you. But as you get older, you realize it's not always that easy. It's not until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made were simply plans. At the end, when you're looking back instead of forward, you want to believe that you made the most of what life gave you. You want to believe that you're leaving something good behind. You want it all to have mattered.

I've always been mindful to thank God for everything, including this family. But sometimes the question bugging at the back of my mind is, is there more than it meets the eye? What am I supposed to do? If anything, I hate being placed in a dilemma.. having to choose between what I want to do and what should be the right thing to do. But witnessing these events occurring time and again through the years, I'm left with no more excuses. I'm so sick of it. All of it.

But life is short, and I don't want to waste my days worrying. I shouldn't have to. My dearest God above have it all under control.

"The prevailing idea seems to be, that I come to God and ask Him for something
that I want, and that I expect Him to give me that which I have asked. But this
is a most dishonouring and degrading conception. The popular belief reduces God
to a servant, our servant: doing our bidding, performing our pleasure, granting
our desires. No, prayer is a coming to God, telling Him my need, committing my
way unto the Lord, and leaving Him to deal with it as seemeth Him best."

Once again, my heart cries out "how long?"

ANYWAY. Moving on to more light-hearted things, I'm gonna finish watching One Tree Hill soon and I'm reallyyyyy overwhelmed by the development of the plot through all 8 seasons. LOVE IT. Sigh, but kinda don't wanna it to come to an end. :( Haha, I think it's officially my favourite television series BESIDES FRIENDS.   Awwwww really, I love Nathan and Haley, Julian and Brooke, Quinn and Clay in the show!! Sometimes I feel so caught up in the show I force myself to stop watching altogether haha. If only Jake Jagielski, Lucas and Peyton would return for season 9. But it's highly unlikely I'll get to see Bryan Greenberg return as Jake. It's been 5 seasons without him. Oh well. :( Yep so anyway I'm guessing there will be a final season 9 but rumour has it the story line's gonna be eeky. I really hope NOT. :{ I'll be looking forward to a GREAT One Tree Hill season 9 yeahhh!

PS, I love how Austin Nichols and Sophia Bush are together in real life. Sweet!!

It's alright, broken glass doesn't kill.

Don't we all have unsolved mysteries in life? Have you ever stared into a pair of eyes you once thought you knew and have all the untold stories in the world, only to discover with a tinge of melancholy, how little you know of that person, how you can never fathom what lies behind those indifferent eyes.

Just saying. :)

Anyway.

NOSTALGIA.

- Bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.

Exact same feelings right now. Sigh. Today I wore the necklace I bought 7 years ago in Italy, instantly feeling so happy when I chanced upon that which I have long forgotten about. The glass was ever so clear and sparkling bright, as if symbolising hope (I don't know why). Perhaps it just brings back memories and the simple but happy life I had much younger, therefore making me yearn for such ecstatic moments again. My mind subconsciously flashed back to the February of 2004, where Italy was covered with snowflakes everywhere and the scenary was indisputably gorgeous. My cousins and I were so young, but I vividly remember the attitude we carried around. So hopeful and aspired, we thought we were fearless. As if, there's nothing in the world we cannot accomplish. So I felt like a little girl when I left home having it settled around my neck. I was in glee.

And that's the last time I can wear it. Somehow I decided to be butterfingered today. The glass dropped and broke into two pieces. I'm just glad it didn't shatter into many small bits, so I can still keep it in my capsule for memory's sake at least. Why was I so clumsy? :( I guess I can still be thankful for having took some pictures of me wearing it before I lost the chance to. Looking at the picture and how beautiful it looks (whole piece intact) just makes me speechless. It's the sentimental value it holds that I care about. Oh well.

I've always been a dreamer.
I've had my head among the clouds
But now that I'm coming down
Won't you be my solid ground?