Too Close For Comfort

If anything, these few days brought into my life a whole new perspective and renewed confidence to start anew. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a pleasant experience at all. There were heartbreaks and severe despondency. Mixed emotions and reproaches. There's so much to consolidate, so much to reflect upon, and so much to run away from. Right now, I'm not gonna do any of that. Because really, some things are better left unsaid, someone once told me this. I've never felt more true to this. I guess it's just too draining. :)

I can leave everything to silence and let them become unspoken memories, but one thing I can't (and would probably never be able to) do is to run away from the guilt of being a disappointing child of God. For the past weeks, and months, and days. My faith has been wavering, but even now I stand strong to it and I'll loudly proclaim that my faith is true. I don't blame anyone for getting the wrong idea about how Christianity is a relationship between God and man, and not simply a religion. I only blame myself for not letting this marvelous truth shine through them, or for contributing to the terribly wrong mindset of how temporal the comfort this God of mine offers, due to my lack of trust in my Heavenly Father. Honestly, I'm brutally and thoroughly convicted and admonished, ashamed and regretful for once in my life, for being such a horrible testimony. But I'm glad, because this wake up call, this rebuke from God, came early. And I thank God, for waking me up from a really, long, slumber. I've been unfaithful. But not anymore. And for now, there's nothing I'm more certain of than knowing God truly, really does love me, even when I've been so, unlovable. I will reconsecrate my life into His hands once again. I will find rest in Him.

Thanks Km for the reminder. :)

Holding on too tight only suffocates everyone. In the end the first one gasping for breath, being on the brink of giving up to despair, will only be myself. Stepping back, looking at God's bigger picture, I've never felt so contented and genuinely peaceful in a long while. Despite how impromptu today was and how alarming some news (about certain people) were, it was a good-great- day filled with that warm, happy feeling I wouldn't exchange for the world. And dear Tuesdays, so far you've been kind to me. From now on, there will be no pressure, no expectations, no nothing. The chance, lies in your hands. The chance for all of us to start afresh, most importantly, happy and de novo. Thank You Lord! :)

Contentment breeds happiness.Expectations always causes heartaches.