For tonight is mere formality.

I am and will always be indebted to you.

But that, and trust, will nevertheless be different. They are two different matters and as much as I would like to feign ignorance, I can't. I merely pray each and every one of us in this tragedy will finally move on one day after all these years. Right now, everyone is fighting their own battle. Everyone is fighting and everyone is hurting. I'm treading on thin ice, but this gratitude... I owe it to you. I'll remember every bit that you've done and repay them in due time. God be my witness.

Ok, on another note.

Happy stories always come with a price. So for now let's just leave things simple. I'm too tired to risk losing my heart.

Simplicity is beauty.

The truth is, everyone's changing everyday.

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can

You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
Soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
'Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

"You don't realise how much you've changed until you realise how different other people treats you."

I was impelled to ponder over the possibility that maybe, I really changed. And I don't know why but I don't settle well with it. Maybe that's because somewhere deep down I know if really I did, the implications would be hard to swallow. It's hard to part with who I used to be. By that, I meant just a year or two ago. No words can express the how lost I felt today, but thankfully it was just for that fraction of a second -maybe minutes- and I got a grip on myself. I know I'm alright, and I'm gonna survive!

You know, there's nothing wrong with honesty, really. True friends with genuine advice and concern is far more valuable than a hypocritical cajoler. I think we are all trying not to fall into the latter category.

So hey, thanks. :)

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."
Proverbs 27:6

It's always the same constant change.

As your tears fall to the snow
We both know
That tonight I can't say that I'll come back to you someday

When the night falls, and reality dawns upon you, and you realise that there's nobody to fall back on, nobody to cry to, nobody to smile for, you cease to be hopeful. But it's not easy to stand alone and be at peace with yourself. No matter how hard you might have tried to convince yourself otherwise, and pretend to be okay with it all, you know deep down you are anything but okay. You just feel swallowed and overwhelmed with emptiness and despondency.

I blame myself for being too close for comfort. I never stop being a fool. In fact, I'm constantly acting like one. Change is but a constant, I can't do it. This time, can I?


There's so many people, yet so few of them. Who can see me, and who can hear me?

Let there be morning.

Let the sun rise,
let the birds sing,
let there be light,
let there be morning.

The first thing you gotta do, is wake up.

Did I mention how I love my weekends? Whatever I'm given, whatever I have, it's all God's grace. So praise God for even the smallest, littlest things happening in my life! Even though I'm drowning in a pile of work and I'm struggling to cope with the pace at school, I'm still surviving and so I should be thankful. Haha, going to church, talking to the friends, even for the shortest amount of time, is enough to enliven the mood and help me focus on happier things! Bliss. :}

Then that familiar, dreadful thought came to mind. Don't take momentary feelings too seriously. Don't let yourself free completely. Don't think excessively. Just, don't. Take it one step at a time, and submit to God's will. Be thankful for whatever you are given, whatever you have. But don't want more than you already do.

“You don’t get to take any of it with you.”

Life Is Short.

Sometimes when you're young, you think nothing can hurt you. It's like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you, and you have big plans. Big plans. To find your perfect match. The one that completes you. But as you get older, you realize it's not always that easy. It's not until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made were simply plans. At the end, when you're looking back instead of forward, you want to believe that you made the most of what life gave you. You want to believe that you're leaving something good behind. You want it all to have mattered.

I've always been mindful to thank God for everything, including this family. But sometimes the question bugging at the back of my mind is, is there more than it meets the eye? What am I supposed to do? If anything, I hate being placed in a dilemma.. having to choose between what I want to do and what should be the right thing to do. But witnessing these events occurring time and again through the years, I'm left with no more excuses. I'm so sick of it. All of it.

But life is short, and I don't want to waste my days worrying. I shouldn't have to. My dearest God above have it all under control.

"The prevailing idea seems to be, that I come to God and ask Him for something
that I want, and that I expect Him to give me that which I have asked. But this
is a most dishonouring and degrading conception. The popular belief reduces God
to a servant, our servant: doing our bidding, performing our pleasure, granting
our desires. No, prayer is a coming to God, telling Him my need, committing my
way unto the Lord, and leaving Him to deal with it as seemeth Him best."

Once again, my heart cries out "how long?"

ANYWAY. Moving on to more light-hearted things, I'm gonna finish watching One Tree Hill soon and I'm reallyyyyy overwhelmed by the development of the plot through all 8 seasons. LOVE IT. Sigh, but kinda don't wanna it to come to an end. :( Haha, I think it's officially my favourite television series BESIDES FRIENDS.   Awwwww really, I love Nathan and Haley, Julian and Brooke, Quinn and Clay in the show!! Sometimes I feel so caught up in the show I force myself to stop watching altogether haha. If only Jake Jagielski, Lucas and Peyton would return for season 9. But it's highly unlikely I'll get to see Bryan Greenberg return as Jake. It's been 5 seasons without him. Oh well. :( Yep so anyway I'm guessing there will be a final season 9 but rumour has it the story line's gonna be eeky. I really hope NOT. :{ I'll be looking forward to a GREAT One Tree Hill season 9 yeahhh!

PS, I love how Austin Nichols and Sophia Bush are together in real life. Sweet!!

It's alright, broken glass doesn't kill.

Don't we all have unsolved mysteries in life? Have you ever stared into a pair of eyes you once thought you knew and have all the untold stories in the world, only to discover with a tinge of melancholy, how little you know of that person, how you can never fathom what lies behind those indifferent eyes.

Just saying. :)

Anyway.

NOSTALGIA.

- Bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.

Exact same feelings right now. Sigh. Today I wore the necklace I bought 7 years ago in Italy, instantly feeling so happy when I chanced upon that which I have long forgotten about. The glass was ever so clear and sparkling bright, as if symbolising hope (I don't know why). Perhaps it just brings back memories and the simple but happy life I had much younger, therefore making me yearn for such ecstatic moments again. My mind subconsciously flashed back to the February of 2004, where Italy was covered with snowflakes everywhere and the scenary was indisputably gorgeous. My cousins and I were so young, but I vividly remember the attitude we carried around. So hopeful and aspired, we thought we were fearless. As if, there's nothing in the world we cannot accomplish. So I felt like a little girl when I left home having it settled around my neck. I was in glee.

And that's the last time I can wear it. Somehow I decided to be butterfingered today. The glass dropped and broke into two pieces. I'm just glad it didn't shatter into many small bits, so I can still keep it in my capsule for memory's sake at least. Why was I so clumsy? :( I guess I can still be thankful for having took some pictures of me wearing it before I lost the chance to. Looking at the picture and how beautiful it looks (whole piece intact) just makes me speechless. It's the sentimental value it holds that I care about. Oh well.

I've always been a dreamer.
I've had my head among the clouds
But now that I'm coming down
Won't you be my solid ground?

Are You True?

I'm too tired for words. Maybe now I'll just be myself.

It pays off not being too reliant or accustomed to someone or something, because you protect yourself from being crestfallen and scrapped off once again. 'Nuff said. We are all fragile creatures taught to be strong. I'm gonna be strong from now on, for a whole new purpose. Because it's true you need to face your adversaries alone in life, with the exception of God.

Take every blessing that comes your way and thank the Lord, trusting that He'll multiply it in His own good time. Meanwhile, don't ever trick yourself into thinking you deserve everything you desire. Truth is, we deserve, nothing.

But when we do get the best, know it's from above. Cherish it and be contented; live life to the fullest.