Monsters

“When I was young, I couldn’t sleep at night because I thought there was a monster in the closet. But my brother told there wasn’t anything in the closet but fear. And fear wasn’t real. He said it wasn’t made of anything. Just…air. Not even that. He said you just have to face it. you just have to open that closet and the monster would disappear.”

I wonder, how true.

So if that means our monsters are no longer hiding in our bedrooms, under our beds, or in our closets, and is in fact living right inside us, we just gotta face ourselves. And maybe that's the scariest part. Facing ourselves, our own souls.

27 days since things have started to change drastically for me. In the midst I've experienced bitterness, anger, disappointment so immense I simply couldn't at any time bear, despair, and.. I was in a complete state of apprehension. So defiant and insistent to turn away and shut out everything else. And the thing that unnerved me the most, was the thought of giving up and throwing all my dreams away.

Now there's hope. It's a varied kind of hope, one that carries reservations and cautiousness and no longer naive or puerile, yet when rekindled in a pertinent way, can explode into a magnitude of unimaginable triumph. Not over anything or anyone. But victory over self. It brings me to another world. Far from where I am now. This hope, that I have now.

The previous kind of hope, got me where I am now, where I'd do anything to get away from. Too simplistic and trusting in the goodness of every outcome, every action. The wrong and overrated kind of hope. Too, happy.