So much words to say.
But all in all, thank God for bringing me to the end of the arduous A level examinations!
Putting aside the unpredictable results, I'm absolutely enjoying post A's, without the need to rush from place to place, or to keep up with my busy study plans for the day, or feeling so ultra guilty for sleeping sufficiently while my friends compromise on theirs. Hahaha and now, I'm all set for Korea bwahaha :}
My A lvls ended yesterday, and spending the night with the two girls was crazy fun epic heehee. The dinosaur, big baby and the aunty makes one great combi woosh. And Deaf Knee if you;re reading this, next time it'll be CEREAL KILLERS' OUTING FULL ATTENDANCE K, PROMISE. DEAL. :} Wooooots! HAHA ok I think I'm still suffering from the effects of lack in sleep plus the flu jab earlier in the day, and hence my incoherent expression of words now. Okay who am I kidding, I'm incoherent anyways, and always, according to the friends. Their opinion though, not mine! :))))))))))
I love shopping early in the morning when the crowd is away and I feel like I have the whole mall to myself, (haha and in the case of today, JA as welllllll) Thanks babe heehee, don't miss me when I'm gone! (sigh I know you won't LOL) Spent so much today I feel guilty maxxxx.
Okay I'm FINALLY gonna TRAVEL tomorrow HAHA so I'm a happy girl right now! And at the same time, I'm gonna do some light reading while I'm away and when I'm free, so that means I get to do two of my favourite things for the next 8 days or so. LOVE POST-A'S! Heehee and as of now, I can't wait for my dear friends to end theirs (when I'm back) so I can catch up with all of them big big big time. All the best for the remaining papers all! :)
On a totally random note: Scandinavian traditions hold that if a boy and girl eat from the same loaf, they are bound to fall in love.
How cute!
Not implying anything............ HAHAHHAHAHHAA!
I realise my mood has been going up and down, kinda tiring y'know. But oh well, happiness is a mood, not a destination. I need to get used to this fact and not keep expecting for more. At this point of time, there are so many indecipherable thoughts swimming in my head, but only one which I can't seem to get it out. Grr frustrating.
Maybe we should all just stick to the roles we play and avoid unnecessary complications and confusion. I should be happy that you are. :)
The rest, perhaps time will tell.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
All was fine till I came back.
You had to burst my bubble of this make-believe. I have already decided to accept the remnants of what I'm left with, but guess even that is too much for me. So looks like I don't even deserve to have this bit of happiness.
Maybe it never was fine, but I stupidly decided to accept that you changed deep down. Since that unforgettable incident last year. Suddenly, it makes me dread being near you, or the rest of us here. It's not supposed to be the case. I thought I only have you all. Now even that's debatable.
You know it doesn't matter whether it's intentional or not. Sometimes the things that you blurt out without thinking twice are the things that you really mean. And I get it.
No matter what I do, it's never enough.
Econs paper 2 didn't went so well, but it's alright cos' I know I did my best. I was constantly fighting to be fine, and I was. Especially with the two girls who absolutely made my day after that... (haha won't forget such an epic night y'two :) ) Until, now. Who was to expect such a day had to end on such a bad note? Right now I'm just broken. Everything horrible happening in my life just flashed past and momentarily, I feel like a failure.
:(
Tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe.
You had to burst my bubble of this make-believe. I have already decided to accept the remnants of what I'm left with, but guess even that is too much for me. So looks like I don't even deserve to have this bit of happiness.
Maybe it never was fine, but I stupidly decided to accept that you changed deep down. Since that unforgettable incident last year. Suddenly, it makes me dread being near you, or the rest of us here. It's not supposed to be the case. I thought I only have you all. Now even that's debatable.
You know it doesn't matter whether it's intentional or not. Sometimes the things that you blurt out without thinking twice are the things that you really mean. And I get it.
No matter what I do, it's never enough.
Econs paper 2 didn't went so well, but it's alright cos' I know I did my best. I was constantly fighting to be fine, and I was. Especially with the two girls who absolutely made my day after that... (haha won't forget such an epic night y'two :) ) Until, now. Who was to expect such a day had to end on such a bad note? Right now I'm just broken. Everything horrible happening in my life just flashed past and momentarily, I feel like a failure.
:(
Tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
12 years down the road.
May our 30 years pact never be realised for the both of us. :)
Always redundant but no more.
It's nice to see everyone move on, maybe it's time that I do, too.
Always redundant but no more.
It's nice to see everyone move on, maybe it's time that I do, too.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
I'm not much for words.
What if one day you woke up and you are not angry anymore?
Where do you draw the line between caring and caring too much?
And when should you stop?
The human brain with multiple complexities often have the ability to drive us mad, but most of the time we still stay sane. Perhaps because every time we allow ourselves to fall captive to the truest desire deep down, even if it's almost unattainable, reality slaps us hard in the face. But sometimes, it's God's way of pulling us back on track.
This feeling, is it sadness? When I witness so many betrayals of all kinds, even the most trivial and seemingly insignificant ones happening to the people around me... Relationships of all kinds, friends, family ties, etc... how can they be so strong yet so fragile at the same time? But when I look at myself I don't feel in a position to feel sorry for others because I have become a victim of what I allowed to happen to me. Anyway, I sincerely wish for my closed ones to be happy, and even for those who are not. Just, be happy. From the bottom of my heart.
Maybe, only time will tell if those words you say mean something, anything at all. I know the importance of actions, but still I unknowingly grow so used to believing in the things you say. What will happen in the future, the near future even? But even at this moment, contemplating all of this makes me despise myself. I shouldn't even be entertaining these thoughts that go through my head... how lousy of me :(
So when do you know, if what you are doing is right or wrong?
I honestly don't know.
OKAY. I survived on 3 hours of sleep yesterday, and so hopefully tonight I'll get sufficient sleep! This means it's time to continue mugging for SEA History, which is officially gonna become history tomorrow heehee can't wait! Pray I end well :) OH, that should be left for next Mon...Econs paper 2 my LAST A LEVEL PAPER BWAHAHAHA. Can't imagine this given my current mood but... I'll be preparing to fly to Korea next week this time hehhhh :}
On a side note, I made a mental note not to talk about my A level papers that are over (obviously because I didn't think they went so well.... :/ ) haha but I just feel that I ought to give thanks nevertheless. To even come so far... thank God for sustenance! Admittedly, I'm scared to the core at the thought of receiving the result next year (omg maggggg grrr haha.) BUT I will press on and continue trusting Him, my anchor :) His plans for me are greater than the oceans and mountains. Heehehehee!
Where do you draw the line between caring and caring too much?
And when should you stop?
The human brain with multiple complexities often have the ability to drive us mad, but most of the time we still stay sane. Perhaps because every time we allow ourselves to fall captive to the truest desire deep down, even if it's almost unattainable, reality slaps us hard in the face. But sometimes, it's God's way of pulling us back on track.
This feeling, is it sadness? When I witness so many betrayals of all kinds, even the most trivial and seemingly insignificant ones happening to the people around me... Relationships of all kinds, friends, family ties, etc... how can they be so strong yet so fragile at the same time? But when I look at myself I don't feel in a position to feel sorry for others because I have become a victim of what I allowed to happen to me. Anyway, I sincerely wish for my closed ones to be happy, and even for those who are not. Just, be happy. From the bottom of my heart.
Maybe, only time will tell if those words you say mean something, anything at all. I know the importance of actions, but still I unknowingly grow so used to believing in the things you say. What will happen in the future, the near future even? But even at this moment, contemplating all of this makes me despise myself. I shouldn't even be entertaining these thoughts that go through my head... how lousy of me :(
So when do you know, if what you are doing is right or wrong?
I honestly don't know.
OKAY. I survived on 3 hours of sleep yesterday, and so hopefully tonight I'll get sufficient sleep! This means it's time to continue mugging for SEA History, which is officially gonna become history tomorrow heehee can't wait! Pray I end well :) OH, that should be left for next Mon...Econs paper 2 my LAST A LEVEL PAPER BWAHAHAHA. Can't imagine this given my current mood but... I'll be preparing to fly to Korea next week this time hehhhh :}
On a side note, I made a mental note not to talk about my A level papers that are over (obviously because I didn't think they went so well.... :/ ) haha but I just feel that I ought to give thanks nevertheless. To even come so far... thank God for sustenance! Admittedly, I'm scared to the core at the thought of receiving the result next year (omg maggggg grrr haha.) BUT I will press on and continue trusting Him, my anchor :) His plans for me are greater than the oceans and mountains. Heehehehee!
Friday, November 11, 2011
It's like screaming & no one can hear.
Just gotta be thankful I'm already halfway through.
So much complaints, so much doubts. But who am I to decide if my efforts paid off or not? For one, I'm not even through with the A level exams. Secondly, I don't know the results yet. And most important of all, I'm not God. There I said it! One of the quotes I practically believe in with all my heart: none knows the weight of another's burden. Yet I know for sure, my God does. Call it an emotional tide or mental weariness, but I'm quite sure many things other than A LEVELS crossed my mind yesterday and altogether, made me enter into a state of trance. So while yesterday was as horrible as it gets, I'm picking myself up from today and onwards. Trust in God, that's all it takes for me to live. But I had to take it for granted, every single time. Guilty.
And in spite of all that, I know my God lives, and He lives in me.
I won't run out of my faith.
Another person to thank God for: TOHWUENLYNNIEWINIEMINNIE. So glad she asked me out in the afternoon before I wasted my whole afternoon away, haha. Well, time spent with her can never be wasted time :) Anyway, the rest of the day was filled with the usual heartwarming thingys that need no elaboration simply because ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. Hahaha serious, I guarantee we were annoying like crap because we laughed so much and so hard the people around us could just stare and wish they knew what was so funny. Throughout my 2 years in JC, I'm just glad to say I felt like we spent every moment together, hard times or easy ones. This is in spite of the fact that we are in two different schools, facing completely different problems and struggles. Our hearts though, are the same. :} CHEESY MUCH!
Anyway, food for thought: they say those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter. So why do we care so much when we know it's all pointless to those who don't care?
So much complaints, so much doubts. But who am I to decide if my efforts paid off or not? For one, I'm not even through with the A level exams. Secondly, I don't know the results yet. And most important of all, I'm not God. There I said it! One of the quotes I practically believe in with all my heart: none knows the weight of another's burden. Yet I know for sure, my God does. Call it an emotional tide or mental weariness, but I'm quite sure many things other than A LEVELS crossed my mind yesterday and altogether, made me enter into a state of trance. So while yesterday was as horrible as it gets, I'm picking myself up from today and onwards. Trust in God, that's all it takes for me to live. But I had to take it for granted, every single time. Guilty.
And in spite of all that, I know my God lives, and He lives in me.
I won't run out of my faith.
Another person to thank God for: TOHWUENLYNNIEWINIEMINNIE. So glad she asked me out in the afternoon before I wasted my whole afternoon away, haha. Well, time spent with her can never be wasted time :) Anyway, the rest of the day was filled with the usual heartwarming thingys that need no elaboration simply because ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. Hahaha serious, I guarantee we were annoying like crap because we laughed so much and so hard the people around us could just stare and wish they knew what was so funny. Throughout my 2 years in JC, I'm just glad to say I felt like we spent every moment together, hard times or easy ones. This is in spite of the fact that we are in two different schools, facing completely different problems and struggles. Our hearts though, are the same. :} CHEESY MUCH!
Anyway, food for thought: they say those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter. So why do we care so much when we know it's all pointless to those who don't care?
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Even when i set myself on fire;
These days,
it becomes very easy to see who really cares;
it becomes effortless almost, to distinguish the ones who stay with you through thick and thin from those who walk away without turning back.
Oh but rest assured that you'll see them round when the tide clears.
So that's one experience I had best carve into my mind. Not so much for the latter, but for remembering those who are important, those who should always matter.
Tonight, the bitter reminder keeps ringing by my ears. Why mag why, do you stupidly send yourself there to be torn apart, once again? For gratitude, nothing more.
But always. That's always the reason. When can I ever make a clean break?
'A' levels in four days. Live and let God.
it becomes very easy to see who really cares;
it becomes effortless almost, to distinguish the ones who stay with you through thick and thin from those who walk away without turning back.
Oh but rest assured that you'll see them round when the tide clears.
So that's one experience I had best carve into my mind. Not so much for the latter, but for remembering those who are important, those who should always matter.
Tonight, the bitter reminder keeps ringing by my ears. Why mag why, do you stupidly send yourself there to be torn apart, once again? For gratitude, nothing more.
But always. That's always the reason. When can I ever make a clean break?
'A' levels in four days. Live and let God.
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