The strange feeling of nothingness.

Do you feel, sometimes late at night, really lost and alone? Maybe it's the pills and fatigue, or maybe it's the frailty holding me defenseless to cheating hearts and lying tongues, or the inadequacy of genuine laughters and happy voices around me lately, I just feel so... sad. Indescribable, vague, distant. Leaves my aching heart empty. How is that even possible? But it is.

Pebble and Rock.

Life is beautiful. Thank God for every moment of it. Because even as we are suffering, we are going through life. :)

My complexion is getting from worse!! Teenage crisis. :(

Okay that's it I'm gonna drink gallons of water.

Bye.

You make me walk the road to never return.

"The first thing is to love your sport.
Never do it to please someone else. It has to be yours."

I really miss them. See you girls soon, but things have changed. We are different, but we are the same.

Gonna create new memories in SA, and I hope they are beautiful enough to stay in my mind, just like how I'm so attached to 4M, or how Cedar Bball was and still is, so dear to my heart. I think it's possible, but it's unlikely. It doesn't matter because God gave me more than I asked for, and He will multiply.

I'm totally gonna flunk BTs 1, and I've never been more certain of failing. I kinda just gave up after maths paper, seeing all my hard work go down the drain. As for the other subjects, yes I'm rueful and deserving. Even though it's so common for people to claim that the dire circumstances they are in is the worst and incomparable, it doesn't console me a single bit. Because I know at the end of the day, I'm gonna have to face my fears and handle my imperfections, alone. It's so true, none knows the weight of another's burden. Initially, I was really pessimestic and dispirited. But God spoke to me through the same verse which I came across just before the exams started. I knew then, I failed to trust in His word. I just thought I did. These few days of disheartened series and drama, really brought me back to Him. At this moment, I understand. I'm resolved to surrender to Him.

"Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep."
Psalm 127:1-2

What can I say. I'm just so thankful I have Lynnnnnnnn. Love her to bits. I wouldn't have seen things in a clearer light and instead, continue dwelling in my pathetic state of self-pity. Haha, even if everyone else fails me, I know she truly believes in me. Thank God for bringing her into my life.

And hey JA, thank you SO much for bearing my stress with me this whole week. Despite your face of coolness (you know I don't mean that right -.- HAHA) and composed disposition, I knw you are facing your own share of uncertainties and fear, and I'm sorry this time round I wasn't strong enough to be of support and motivation to you. Sorry :( But after all is said and done, when I think and reflect on the day, I know, you will do the phenomenal. Just because you are brillant and I know it. Stay annoying and ILY. :)

There are the other few people whom I know, love and care for me, and who I love and care for too. They keep me goingggggg.

OKAY SO... finally, there's gonna be training tomorrow evening. And I don't have school tomorrow. So, how lame is that? Going to school in the evening... zzz HAHA. But I'm kinda looking forward to it. I just pray God will give me strength and courage and bless my efforts. I'm afraid of being disappointed again, but I'm not gonna let this stop me. Lynnie and I promised each other, to play for ourselves and for our passion for the game. Not for anyone, not even for the condescending who constantly put us down.

99.999999%!

If you have no intention of being a lifelong shoulder for someone to lean on, don't offer it in the first place. Don't, even extend your arms. Just, don't. I'm just trying to say, please be genuine. The heart knows the reasons the reasons don't know. The heart knows the truth, even if it takes a lifetime to get there.

(I Just) Died in Your Arms Tonight

Your Cheatin' Heart.

And if we never speak again for the rest of our lives, that'll be fine.

If you don't treat them genuinely, you'll lose them. You'll see.

I'm no saint. There's an urge for me to hate, so badly, so deeply.. but I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna love. This time round, rest assured I won't do it wholeheartedly. It's time to stop being a fool and expect happy endings. Things always end in the same way, broken.

All of a sudden, I don't feel like caring anymore. If only it was as easy as how it sounds.

It's true it's so hard to believe in anything anymore.

Apparently They Were Traveling Abroad

Stepping up. It's a simple concept. It basically means to rise above
yourself; to do a little more, to show you something special. Something like
this. Life's funny sometimes; can push pretty hard like when you fall in love
with someone but they forget to love you back, like when your best friend and
your boyfriend leave you alone, like when you pull the trigger or light the
flame and you can't take it back. Like I said, in sports they call this
'stepping up'. In life, I call it 'pushing back".

Malaysia Basketball training tour was a blast, and much better than I had expected. There's so much that happened, but some things are better left unsaid.. and I shall keep them in my heart. There are always electrifying memories worth clinging on too, but at the same time there are the desolate experiences better forgotten. Similarly as much as I would like to filter the bad ones out, I can't. Like the happy times, the inconsolable is stuck with me. At least, for now.

But I'm gonna thank God for these 4 days, because it was absolutely priceless. Despite some disappointments and heartbreaks, some friendships continue growing while new ones were created. As for the others, it's best to bury them deep and say goodbye.

Haha yepp. So anyway, BTs are next week and trust me, I'm nowhere near prepared. This spells trouble. :( I'm not gonna wait till Sunday and whine about the next day's paper. So I'm gonna start right now. Yeahhhhh I am, I am, I am.

I'm gonna do my best for the coming A div's. Praying for God's strength.

It puzzles me, how some people can toy around with people so easily, just for the sake of entertainment and the riddance of boredom, at the expanse of other people's feelings.

Burn, Don't Crash.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but by the moments
that take our breath away.

Oh now's the chance to travel.
Where to?
Malaysia.
Oh. Okay...
Hey, it's still travelling okay?
Okay.

Haha contentment breeds happiness.

I had my first BT paper earlier today- General Paper. Wow it's weird how my favourite subject and most hated subject switch places lately. I'm actually enjoying every bit of GP, and hating every moment of maths lectures, maths tutorials, maths... people. Haha! Anyway, let's see... I only completed 1/4 of my AQ since I only had 8mins left for that section. Yeah 'cause I dilly dallied and took my own sweet time boohoo :(

Okay, I'm supposed to feel psyched since I'd be doing the thing I love the most for the next 4 days- travel! But oddly enough, a part of me wish to skip the whole drama that I foresee happening. Then again, it's just basketball training, which is far from HOLIDAY. Note toself: Don't expect too much, don't don't don't!!! But nah, not gonna spoil it for myself. Praying for God's blessings :)

I guess I just dread what comes next. Studying for Bts which I'm totally unprepared for, facing team selections and fighting to do well, mainly, just school and the hectic JC2 life. Typical student's woes.

Bye bye peeps, will be back on the 14th!

'Cause baby you're a firework!

"And there's a spark in you."

Thank you love.

Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except
the Lord keep the city, the watchman worketh in vain. It is vain for you to rise
up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so He giveth His
beloved sheep.

Psalm 127:1-2

And on a happy note... LIVERPOOL WON MAN UTD 3-1!
NICE HAT TRICK, DIRK KUYT.
His efforts finally paid off teehee!

Funny story. During dinner yesterday, I was talking to Bob and Joshua Chia about how Liverpool WILL win Man Utd. HAHA they seriously thought I was being naive okay. Seeeeeeeee I can be right, too. :}

Okay in a nutshell, I'ma happy girl now.

Adios!

We don't have forever.

We don't have all the time in the world.

And it scares me. When I was 10, I don't remember having any dreams for myself, or anyone for that matter. When I was 14, I wanted to be a physiotherapist in Liverpool FC because my passion for soccer and love for Fernando Torres and LFC inspired me more than anything else. It seemed unattainable and faraway, yet at the same time, there was an element of hope that there is the possibility accompanied by sheer determination and hard work of achieving those goals. Now that I'm gonna turn 18 in a few months, with a definite knowing of how I've long abandoned that silly aspiration of mine, and the fact that I'm currently embracing the hidden ambition in me that I never dared dream myself to fulfill, I know I'm racing against time. It's not impossible, but. The odds are... unthinkable.

School is getting scary.

My quiet time with God yesterday really hit me hard, and it made me think. It made me trust. Today, something A said made me feel so touched, and at the same time, ashamed of myself and my inability to surrender my life to God. So at this moment, I'm gonna consecrate my life to Him once again. Thank you, even though I bet you never knew how much your words impacted me. :)

Civics lesson today was meaningful, and at the same time light-hearted. Thank God for classmates I've recently grown really close to, and for those I always were. I appreciate them all, and their words, too.

"Douglas Adams once wrote: 'He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream, and he sometimes wondered whose it was, and whether they were enjoying it."

Exact sentiments.

Love Is Louder.

Dearest Lynn,

thanks for always being a part of me. Thanks for everything. And I love you for loving me. I just love you I do I do I do!

Love, Mag.

"Name a wish, place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want."

When life gets hard and feels too fragile, take heart and remember
LOVE IS LOUDER.

Must I say more?