I yearn for nights like those I've had in the past week. Free-spirited, insightful conversations, accompanied by light-hearted jokes and genuine self-disclosures, all of which came unanticipated and flows with ease and comfort. Friends who are honest, open, and unafraid to be themselves in my presence. Those late nights were definitely worth it, and it's been so long since I've enjoyed sitting through a meal without worrying about tomorrows to come. I want that. I do.
I feel like I'm undeserving at times. But- And I'm absolutely, immensely thankful.
It stirred me how people can be so honest with themselves to the extent they actually feel like a horrible human being, despising all that they stand for. And at those very moments I find myself mustering all that I believe in as someone who believes in God and hence the goodness of humanity, to convince them that they are not. It actually tears me a little to know the people around me are feeling so inadequate... and I want so much to be able to change that, to let them know how precious and valuable they are. At least in my sight. But then I remember how often I feel likewise- insufficient and unlovable- eventually growing numb to the idea that I will never be good enough. Will I ever touch someone's heart the way the people around me do to me?
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