The rate my life is progressing at scares me like hell. But more than that, it gives me a wake up call- to see all the shadows in all corners of my memory and propels me to recognize the regrets I've made from time to time. That's perhaps the thing which horrifies me the most, and the one burden I definitely have to get rid of if I wanna move forward in life, happily. I keep saying I don't want regrets, but why oh Lord do I keep giving myself chances to repine so hatefully?
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson.
And that's probably the answer to change- to start from within. But knowing that I'm such a wreck, both inside and out, and so unavailingly messed up, what then?
I feel like before I sort things out, before I do the right thing, I don't deserve to get my heart's truest desire. I don't deserve to be happy. It's pathetic like that.
Even so, what keeps me burning is God's grace. Thus far, I am immensely thankful for all that He has given me, so much so that my gratitude to His grace lies beyond what words can barely express. And it is also this amazing strength that can help me fulfill everything mentioned above.
I will.
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