I have come to the realisation that all I have, or used to think I have is but vapour. I don't know how to be strong when I'm so broken, when everything I know or love is breaking into a million pieces beyond restoration. I don't even know what to believe now. I can't come to terms with what I've learnt, or what I've been told by many. I can't see where I'm heading, or what I'm doing anymore. I muster every ounce of morality in me to acknowledge that nobody owes us anything. Not the world, not our parents, and definitely not God. In retrospect we owe our parents, we owe God. But I look at myself now and I question so many things. Outrageous and ungrateful thoughts I know I shouldn't be thinking, yet they have never left my mind of late. My existence, my dreams, me. What do I have? What do I have to offer? I don't have a right to be angry and bitter and resentful of what they did, who they are to me, or even the reason behind it all. I don't have a right, simply because I am undeserving. It is with so great a hope that I built my life upon, and with God's bountiful grace I entrust myself to, that all I have come to face now is appearing to strangle every breath out of me for the very fact that suddenly, all doors are closing in my face. I'm losing sight of the spark inside me. I'm losing myself.
I can only pray for God to show me His way, but how long more?
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