For the first time this year, I'm not expecting anything. I would have made the simplest wish- that we could all be happy and complete... But no, I don't think so. It's like wishes don't come true anymore and for the first time I'm seeing it.

Somehow I dread that day, knowing that on the day before that I will just crash and break down. I will realize, how real all of this is. And on that day itself, then what? I cringe at the thought of it.. Will I feel sorry for myself? Or would I even care? All I know now is that it will never be like past years. I've grown too detached from the dearest people around me. Or maybe not so dear, since the closest people (those that matter) will never leave you. But at this point, I can't say for sure what is genuine or not anymore.

All seems broken and irreconcilable.

I'd be contented to be surrounded by people I love and care about. But the dear friends are all over the world now, facing and dealing with different aspects of life (at least from mine), and doing what they can and ought to do. Somewhere inside me constantly reminds me of how irrelevant I'm becoming../