but i guess it has always been that way.

we just get so lost in the moment sometimes that we take for granted the things we thought we know. in reality, we are clueless. about people, about life, about ourselves.

And i am still not as strong as i thought i was

Now and then you are forced to come face to face with reality. You see your friends moving on with their lives, you see them happy where they are. What about you? Where are you now and what do you want? You learn to mask your feelings day after day and night after night. You delude yourself into thinking that these hardships make you come out of it stronger. You learn to live life or at least pretend to so you won't feel guilty for letting your life slip away from you while you dwell in your own misery and be in a constant and painful realization that your life IS threatening to fall apart and you are falling apart. But you forgot that those things which are your source of despair and desperation have not passed. They are merely mocking you for being so helplessly naive into thinking that you are invulnerable when you are not and when these tough times are far from over. Now and then, your defenses crumble and you want more than anything to weep and let everything out. But now and then, at that very instant, you realize how numb you have grown towards the awful circumstance you are in. That's when you know how broken and damaged you are.

You are strong, and I love you.

That's all I want to say and all you need to know. :-)