Sometimes, it's the unplanned incidents that open up your eyes and give you the answers you've been searching for. People say "time will tell", but I've always believed it's tough times that test the depth of friendship and trials that forge deeper ones. I've stubbornly tried to paint a pleasant picture for myself, convincing myself that the people who matter most to me are those whom I matter most to as well, but sometimes that just isn't true. Such is life, I've heard the inner voice utter for one time too many, but I guess I just never learn.
I was never meant to be first.
It probably sounds superficial and childish. But the heart knows the reasons the reasons don't. It matters. These things matter.
Truth be told, I was never assured. Of other things? Sure. But not of the one thing that means so much to me. "It doesn't matter", I always tell myself. But at the end of the day, I guess holding on to nothing makes me realize how important it was and still is to me.
Maybe those misconceptions I had were due to circumstances. Circumstantial friendship is one of the things that makes my heart grow cold. For as time passes and people move on, they will slowly but surely be forgotten. And if that doesn't happen, if the friendship continues to grow despite distance and time, be thankful.
Is it all about expectations? Or does it really depend on the relationship, the people involved? Have my perceptions been so strongly shaped by those so very beautiful stories that I only come across in books and movies that I start to alter reality in its truest form? One who is fiercely passionate and loyal, and never forsakes the other for anything or anyone. But I guess that's not entirely idealistic, if indeed I know of people who are the most genuine and sincere in their own way. And the fact that, up to this very moment, I've always been certain of how far I'm willing to go to fight for those dearest to me.
But it looks like it doesn't work that way. Reciprocity is a blessing not all can experience.
For all those times you pour your heart out and trust someone unswervingly, you are letting your defenses fall. And before you realize it, that person becomes your wall of protection. So what happens if it leaves one day and leave you defenseless?
Guard your heart.
“Imagining and fantasizing did nothing but break her heart.”
