The stars at night burn so bright
But where do I fit in?
Am I too small to matter at all
Oh, where do I fit in?

Am I a dot on the map of the world
Just a spot on the map of the world?
When I imagine the whole universe
Oh, where do I fit in?

I wish I matter.

I like meaningful talks. 

It doesn't matter that our conversations are few.

It doesn't matter that we can't find the answers to the endless questions the future holds.

Because at the end of the day, the comfort in knowing that someone like you understands me is enough. 

I hope that's true. 

but i guess it has always been that way.

we just get so lost in the moment sometimes that we take for granted the things we thought we know. in reality, we are clueless. about people, about life, about ourselves.

And i am still not as strong as i thought i was

Now and then you are forced to come face to face with reality. You see your friends moving on with their lives, you see them happy where they are. What about you? Where are you now and what do you want? You learn to mask your feelings day after day and night after night. You delude yourself into thinking that these hardships make you come out of it stronger. You learn to live life or at least pretend to so you won't feel guilty for letting your life slip away from you while you dwell in your own misery and be in a constant and painful realization that your life IS threatening to fall apart and you are falling apart. But you forgot that those things which are your source of despair and desperation have not passed. They are merely mocking you for being so helplessly naive into thinking that you are invulnerable when you are not and when these tough times are far from over. Now and then, your defenses crumble and you want more than anything to weep and let everything out. But now and then, at that very instant, you realize how numb you have grown towards the awful circumstance you are in. That's when you know how broken and damaged you are.

You are strong, and I love you.

That's all I want to say and all you need to know. :-)

At the end of the day, I'm still me.

Sometimes, it's the unplanned incidents that open up your eyes and give you the answers you've been searching for. People say "time will tell", but I've always believed it's tough times that test the depth of friendship and trials that forge deeper ones. I've stubbornly tried to paint a pleasant picture for myself, convincing myself that the people who matter most to me are those whom I matter most to as well, but sometimes that just isn't true. Such is life, I've heard the inner voice utter for one time too many, but I guess I just never learn.

I was never meant to be first.

It probably sounds superficial and childish. But the heart knows the reasons the reasons don't. It matters. These things matter.

Truth be told, I was never assured. Of other things? Sure. But not of the one thing that means so much to me. "It doesn't matter", I always tell myself. But at the end of the day, I guess holding on to nothing makes me realize how important it was and still is to me.

Maybe those misconceptions I had were due to circumstances. Circumstantial friendship is one of the things that makes my heart grow cold. For as time passes and people move on, they will slowly but surely be forgotten. And if that doesn't happen, if the friendship continues to grow despite distance and time, be thankful.

Is it all about expectations? Or does it really depend on the relationship, the people involved? Have my perceptions been so strongly shaped by those so very beautiful stories that I only come across in books and movies that I start to alter reality in its truest form? One who is fiercely passionate and loyal, and never forsakes the other for anything or anyone. But I guess that's not entirely idealistic, if indeed I know of people who are the most genuine and sincere in their own way. And the fact that, up to this very moment, I've always been certain of how far I'm willing to go to fight for those dearest to me.

But it looks like it doesn't work that way. Reciprocity is a blessing not all can experience.

For all those times you pour your heart out and trust someone unswervingly, you are letting your defenses fall. And before you realize it, that person becomes your wall of protection. So what happens if it leaves one day and leave you defenseless?

Guard your heart.

“Imagining and fantasizing did nothing but break her heart.”

I'm still not good enough. I almost never seem to be. And it doesn't help that I'm painfully aware of how naive I am despite desperately trying to get a grip on the whole idea of life itself. It doesn't matter what the world thinks, or so I tell myself. The heart knows its woes that the mind doesn't. And for that reason don't be afraid to feel the things you feel. But it's excruciating to know that undeniably, it boils down to weakness. Grow up mag.

The Power of Passion

When I think of passion, I think of the color red- bright, fiery, and zealous, filled with an intense longing for someone or something...

In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Passion rebuilds the world for the youth. It makes all things alive and significant”. It appears so effortless how he can with merely two sentences, aptly pen down and frame the multifaceted concept of passion. Passion, it is one of the rarest traits on earth that has the ability to propel one to greater heights; however, the lack thereof can similarly allow one to sink to despair, broken and hopeless with no drive to move forward. In my opinion, passion is a force so great that it overcomes all other negativity in life; it is a drive that is innate and self-sufficient for one to achieve great things, and an intense form of love and desire for a person.

Passion is not mild love that expresses tenderness and kindness towards the target of affection, but instead an intense emotion which makes one yearn for the other. While love takes all form, is patient, mild, sacrificial, and kind, passion on the other hand penetrates deep into inconceivable aspects of an individual’s life; it is energetic, powerful, strong and intimidating to those who fail to meet the intensity of this fearless emotion. It has the ability to heal or destroy a person, and the capacity to touch lives or hurt others. Albert Schweitzer, a German philosopher wrote, “Sometimes our light goes out, but is blown again into instant flame by an encounter with another human being”. Indeed, passion is contagious among like-minded people. When two individuals come together and form a bond of their own in the very initial stages, passion consumes them. They become crazy for each other, they pine for each other’s presence, and they become enveloped into a world that belongs only to them. That is more than affection and pure fondness. It symbolizes a love that surpasses one’s own expectation, one that reaches deep for the soul, even if it is just for a fleeting moment. Yet passion for the unattainable can also lead to obsession or arouse hate, pretty much opposite of the intended outcome passion sets out to achieve.

Passion spills over to many aspects which influences and fuels an individual to strive for a seemingly unattainable goal, and to walk a journey to an almost unimaginable destination. It is limitless, and fiercely fervent in existence. Passion is a love for life, the means to an end for things which are impalpable, a desire so strong that it rises above love in terms of intensity, resembles obsession and even lust for another person.

Snippets of my writing I wrote last semester... that I wish I can always stay true to.